A Familiar Stranger
by SlyWolf
Summary: Sometimes, the one you're looking for is where you least expect her Now Completed
1. I'm a what now?

Nintendo owns Link, Zelda, Fox, Falco, Mr. Game&Watch, Donkey Kong, Mario, Luigi, Dr. Mario, Ganondorf, Bowser, Peach, Samus, Y. Link, Kirby, Jigglypuff, Pikacu, Pichu, Mewtwo, Ness, the Ice Climbers, Captain Falcon, Sheik, Samus Aran, Yoshi, Master Hand, Crazy Hand, Giga Bowser, every single game these characters have appeared in, and especially SSBM.

This is a rather strange story. It's Roy/Marth, but it's not yaio, shounen-ai, or slash. (I really hope I spelled the Japanese words right) How does that work? Read on, and find out. As to how I came up with it, I was playing SSBM with a friend, and he remarked on how Roy looks a bit like a... ah, but that would be telling, wouldn't it?

                Marth and Link watched the screen as Sheik went through All-Star mode. Occasionally, they took a sip of the tall Pina-Coladas that sat in front of them. 

                "Link, don't you think it's odd that Zelda can change sex whenever she wants to? One minute she's a beautiful girl, the next a man. That would kind of throw a damper on a relationship with someone, wouldn't it?" Marth asked, watching as said man went homicidal maniac on Samus's ass.

                "Yeah, Marth. I could see how that would affect a human relationship. But it doesn't do anything to a Hylian relationship, especially since all Hylians can change sex if they want." Link looked up from his drink and gave a little half-smile.

                "You're joking."

                "I'm not."

                "I bet you… anything you want, that you can't transform."

                "I wouldn't do that, if I was you." 

                "Chicken." Marth laughed. "I bet you, next week's wages that you can't turn into a girl."

                "Well, if that's what you want, then fine. I accept your bet." The two shook hands, both of them thinking the other a fool. "But, I think we should get a witness. After all, you're incredibly drunk."

                "Well so are you. Fine. I'll get a witness for our bet." Marth looked around. Zelda, who had just been smashed by Ganondorf, limped past. Roy marched towards the bar. Link and Marth linked eyes, and as one, they both nodded. "Zelda, Roy! Come over here for a second!" 

                "What is it, you two? Want me to lend you some rupees?" Zelda looked down her nose at the two friends.

                "Will this be quick? Only I have a match to get to." Roy looked at the clock. "2 stock battle vs. Captain Falcon, in one hour."

                "Oh, it should be. We made a bet. I bet my drunken pointy eared friend here next weeks wages that he can't transform into a girl like you can turn into a boy, Zelda." Zelda smiled.

                "And I bet this tipsy human next weeks wages that I could." Roy laughed out loud.

                "But the problem is, since we're both plastered, neither of us might remember who won the bet. So we want you two to witness it."

                "Oh dear, Link. That wasn't very nice of you to do that." Zelda shook her head.

                "Marth, what will you do with your winnings?" Roy asked.

                "Patience. All will be revealed in the meeting room at 1800 hours."

                                                *              *              *

                At the appointed time, the four of them met in the meeting room. Link and Marth revised their bet, and then Link strode onto the podium. Marth called out. "Now remember, Link. No blinding us and pulling on a padded bra and dress, understood?"

                "Very funny, Marth. I'll remember you said that when I'm taking Zelda to La'Maison le rouge in town with my winnings."

                "Ha. Wait a second… I just figured it out. You can transform, can't you. Can I pull out? Please?"

                "Sorry Marth. Prepare to lose." He pulled back his hair and smirked. "Now how does that spell go again? Oh yes. In the name of the 3 goddesses and their servants, the 18 gods, by the virtue of my power, wisdom, and courage, and by the strength of the noble blood that flows within my veins, I, your humble servant Link, wish to switch to my shadow form. Transform!" A blinding light filled the room. When it cleared, standing in Link's place on the podium was a young woman. Her corn colored hair reached down to her waist. Her figure was a perfect hourglass, and she was very chesty. She also seemed to have that bizarre Hylian ability to always look their best no matter where they are. She was wearing a dress with the Sheikah symbol over her heart. "Well, Marth?" She asked in a languorous voice that made Marth and Roy go weak at the knees. "This female enough for you?"

                "Hmm. I don't know. Let me check to make sure those are real…" Marth strode up and squeezed female Link's breasts. She squealed, and slapped him. "Oh, yeah. Those are the real thing all right."

                "Thanks, handsome. Zelda, care to join me in the change?"

                "With pleasure, Luna." Zelda spun around. "Goddesses, as the daughter of your representative, I wish to take shadow form. Transform!" She was replaced by Sheik, who bounded up the stage, and unwrapped his mask, before kissing female Link on the cheek. "You're out of practice, Luna. Nice outfit, though."

                "That's all I get, Sheik? A kiss on the cheek and some advice?" Luna pouted. Sheik grinned.

                "As pretty as that makes you, I think you're disturbing your friends." 

                "No, no. When she transformed, I was disturbed. Now I'm scared. I really don't need the sight of one of my sparring partners acting like a… well, like a giggling school girl." Roy smirked. "But, come to think of it, you act so much like a girl anyway, are you sure this isn't your real form?"

                                'Oh, very funny. At least I can transform. You would probably mess it up so badly, you'd end up as a frog."

                "Ha! I'll show you what I can do. In the name of the, um, 13 gods, and their servants the 5 goddesses, and by the virtue of my courage, power and, um, er, intelligence, and by the honor of the noble blood within my, um, veins, I, your master, Roy, demand that you make me into my shadow form. Transform!" Darkness filled the room. The sound of evil laughter filled the air. When they were able to see again, they looked towards Roy. He had transformed into a girl, but not at all like Link had. His rapidly developing breasts had forced their way through his shirt, and what remained of it hung uselessly around her as rags. His hair lay in tatters around her face, his loose pants were now only held on her by friction, and his cape now hung uselessly around her narrow shoulders. It seemed that when he had become a she, various negative things had happened. "Ha! See! I'm a girl. Now, how do I turn back?"

                "Well, I'd tell you, Roy, but saying it would turn me back into a boy. And right now, I'm very happy like this." Luna certainly seemed happy. She had taken advantage of the darkness to jump into Sheik's arms. "It's funny, but when I'm Luna, I'm completely different from when I'm Link. Why is that, Sheik?"

"I think it's because our shadow forms are our normal form's exact opposite, personality and gender wise. We can discuss it more over dinner at La'Maison le Rouge." Luna smiled, and wrapped herself around Sheik tighter. "Roy, just say that you want to transform back to a boy. But I must warn you, the goddesses didn't sound pleased with you."

"I don't know, Roy. You look nice like that." Marth was staring open mouthed at Roy's… feminine beauty. 

"Really, Marth? Cause you're kinda cute yourse… No! I want to be a boy again!" Nothing happened. "Make me male!" She remained female. "Sheik, I'm still a woman."

"Hold that pose, Sheik. I have to check something." Luna wiggled out of Sheik's grasp. She waved her hands vaguely in the air. Roy's spell resounded. "Oh dear."

"Strange. It's as if when Link becomes Luna, he's a more feminine Zelda, and when Zelda becomes Sheik, she's a more masculine Link." Marth shook his head. "You Hylians are weird."

"Quiet, Marth. I need to think. Oh yes. I think you're, how shall I put this, stuck, Roy. You mispronounced the spell so badly that the only reason you're still alive is that the goddesses thought making you into a girl permanently was the best punishment."

"You're joking, right? What if I recite the spell properly?"

"Then you would probably turn into a small book of poetry, you brainless human." Ganondorf walked in. "That's why I don't mess around with magic like that." He bowed to Luna. "How nice to see you again, Luna." He turned back towards Roy. "Do you know what damage you caused? Bowser was battling Crazy Hand, and they both turned into silk stockings. Mewtwo tried to use Shadow Ball on Ness, but now they're both tiny frogs. My magic backfired, and my left hand went all scaly for a while. What did you say?"

Luna waved her hands again. Roy's voice spoke once more. When it was finished, Ganon shook his head. "I suggest you go buy some girl's clothing, because you'll be stuck like that for, oh, I'd say forever."

"Forever? Noooooooo!" Roy shrieked. 

"Luna, I'm afraid we should turn back. Then why don't you and Marth go get Roy girl's stuff, and bring it to a spare dorm."

"I'm afraid you're right. We can have dinner some other time, Sheik." Luna turned back into Link while Sheik turned back into Zelda. "Come on, Marth."

"Dear God, Link! How can you be so cold? Our best friend just got permanently turned into a girl!"

"Better her than me. It's a nice body to visit for a while, but I wouldn't want to live in it."

"Fair enough. And on the bright side, we now have space for that training room we've always wanted!"

"Or a giant collection of swords!" 

"Or a swimming pool!"

"Nil desperandum, Roy. I'm sure you'll make a fine girl. Come on, Marth!" The two friends walked off, discussing what to do with Roy's recently vacated room. Ganondorf walked out too, muttering about how he would have to find some way to turn Bowser and Mewtwo back to normal, and then find and destroy Crazy White Silk Glove, and Ness the wonder frog.  

                                                                                                                                                                Zelda stared after them. "Men." She shook her head and turned to the crying Roy. "They mean well. At least, Link and Marth do. They're just… dealing with it in their own way. I think they believe it to be some sort of joke. When they realize that it's real, they'll be more sympathetic."

                She helped the young woman to her feet. "You can't stay like that, though. I think I have some clothes that will fit you."

                "I really am a girl, aren't I. Why! Why me!"

                "You're just lucky, I guess. Don't worry, though. In a few days, it will seem like you've been a girl your whole life. Now let's go get you cleaned up." She led Roy to the girl's dormitory.

Well? How do you feel? Disturbed? Amused? Wanting to find a way to Australia so you can rip my head off for putting these images in your head? Tell me by pressing the blue button that says review! Press it! Press it! Press it!


	2. Nights into Dreams

JestaAriadne, I appreciate the fact that Luna disturbed you. But what might truly disturb you is that I wasn't the first to have Link become a girl. Admittedly, then it was more permanent, but still. As for Luna's personality, what I did was take Link, write his personality out, and then write the opposites down. I left enough of the original personality to make her recognizable, but still. I must admit, the finished results disturbed me, too. Thais (^_^), yes they will, but not yet. I'm rather ashamed to say it, but I thought I was the first to turn Roy into a girl. Guess not. But having read yours, I think mine is a little different. As for ? (whoever that is) I have continued! And I'm now going to shamelessly plug my other story, Pathways of Fate.  
  
Roy-chan, come here.  
  
"Must you?"  
  
I'm sorry, I just like adding that suffix.  
  
"Well stop!"  
  
I will, once you read the disclaimer.  
  
"Why is it always me?"  
  
Because you're convenient.  
  
"Fine. Slywolf-san owns nothing! And he wouldn't treat me like this if I was still a man."  
  
Remember Pathways of Fate: Chapters 3&4?  
  
"Oh yeah. Just out of curiosity, where am I in that story? When I called Keller Link, he went into a psychopathic rage and kidnapped me. Am I dead?"  
  
In a rat infested dungeon. You're lucky you're not a woman in that story, otherwise Keller would have drunk your blood.  
  
"Ah. Let's get on with this one then, shall we?"  
  
Yes. Though, he might not, seeing as how he hates Zelda a great deal more than he hates you, and she's still alive. Though I think Link wants to kill her in front of Marth, just to show him what happens when you steal his girl and drive him to become a vampire.  
  
"I think that's enough shameless plugging, Slywolf-san."  
  
So do I. Readers, sit back and enjoy. And review. And then go to my other story and review.  
  
"Slywolf-san!"  
  
Alright, alright! Baka.  
  
Marth was dreaming. In his dreams, he was fighting against the male Roy on the Final Destination stage. A lucky Shield Breaker almost sends Roy flying off the stage. Marth runs over. Roy is holding on to the edge. Marth helps him up. All of a sudden, the picture shifts and Marth is holding a naked female Roy in the smash park. Marth realizes with a start that he is naked too. Roy giggles and leans forward, lips puckered. "AAAAH! NOOOO!" Marth woke with a start. There was the sound of running feet. Link crashed through the door, sword in hand.  
  
"What! What happened?!" Link seemed wide awake. While it's difficult for most people, the Hylian managed to appear ready for action even in the night robe he was wearing.  
  
"Oh, it was a dream. That's all." Link drops his sword. "Sorry."  
  
"A dream? Tell me about it."  
  
"No, it was just a silly dream."  
  
"In my experience, and please bear in mind that I have a great deal of it, there is no such thing as a 'silly dream'. What was the dream?"  
  
Marth sighed, and recounted his dream. Link sat in a desk chair and nodded throughout. When Marth reached the part in the park, Link smiled. Marth finished with, "So what does it mean? Have I gone queer overnight?"  
  
Link laughed. "Queer? In case you forgot, my blue-haired friend, Roy is no longer a man. He, or rather she, is very much a woman now. As to what it means, Marth, I would guess it's a prophecy of some kind. But, I could be wrong. Zelda's your Hylian if you want prophecies."  
  
"A prophecy that I'll fall in love with Roy?"  
  
"Maybe. At any rate, you could do worse. Remember the 'Samus Incident'? Or that thing with Peach?" Marth shuddered. "Are you going back to sleep?"  
  
"What time is it?" Link looked around for a clock, and, not seeing one, snapped his fingers.  
  
"4:00 in the morning."  
  
"Then, no. Sorry I woke you."  
  
"No problem. I got my 4 hours of sleep already."  
  
"You normally sleep for only 4 hours?"  
  
"Yeah. Who could sleep more when Ganondorf is nearby?"  
  
"You are paranoid. Link, if you're not going to sleep, let's grab a coffee. I don't mind telling you, though, that that dream had me scared."  
  
"If I had that dream, I would wait until after the kiss to wake up."  
  
"Yeah, but you're a baka elf!"  
  
"Stupid I may be, but at least I'm not human!" Both of them laughed.  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
Roy cried silently into her pillow. She had had a strange and frightening dream, in which she and Marth were kissing. She had woken with a scream, causing Zelda to run in. Roy had considered telling her everything and hoping for an interpretation, but then she realized that the only possible interpretation was what she most feared. She would fall in love with Marth. Roy sent Zelda off saying she had forgotten she was a girl now, and had woken up in the night for a drink, looked down, and screamed. Zelda left slowly, as if disbelieving. Left alone, Roy had started to cry. Not at the dream, or the fact that she was a girl now, but because she had enjoyed the dream.  
  
Sorry it's so short. Next chapter, more focus on Roy and her adjustments to her new life. Also, I should state now, that the citrusiest this story will ever reach will be orange. No lemons. I don't do lemons. 


	3. A Link to the past

Before I start, I just want to make one thing clear. Sexist dialogue might, emphasize on might, make it into this story. If so, it will either be done by Roy (Who will promptly be shot down by Zelda or her lackey Link) or Captain Falcon (Who will be severely injured by Marth, and then, have his skull kicked in by Roy, following which, Link will be ordered by Zelda to severely injure him). It all balances out. Also, I might get things wrong. Please bear in mind, I am a boy! I could ask my girlfriend, but she can spend ages talking about these things, and not say anything. I would hardly ask my sister. SO, AND I'M USINGS CAPSLOCK IN ORDER TO EMPHASISE THIS, NO FLAMES, OR MOCKING!! PLEASE! Phew, felt good to get that off my chest. Though, Roy has a couple of large things 'he' would like to get off 'his' chest.

"Hey!"

                Gah! What are you doing here, Zelda?

                "No sexism!"

                I can explain!

                "Link, hurt him!"

                "Yes, my princess."

                Link, come on. Don't be silly! Hey? Where are you going to put that sword? No! Ow! That hurts!

                "Right. While Slywolf has a couple of things explained to him…"

                OW! 

                "I will read the disclaimers."

                Put those down! No! Not there! OUCH!!! 

                "Slywolf owns nothing. Except his comput… Oh, I'm sorry. He doesn't have one any more."

                Right. I am an author. I summon my author powers! Link turned into Luna!

                "Hey! Turn me back!"

                Not a chance, cutie.

                "Cutie! I'll show you!"

                What can a sewing needle do to me? Wait. Why is it glowing?

                "While Luna pokes Slywolf in various tender places with a magical sewing needle, I'll start the story."

                It burns!

                "Mario, we need a favor." Zelda, Link, Marth, and Roy, sat in the Smashers union office. Chief Smasher Mario stared at her.

                "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I don't believe you. How can this girl be Roy? It boggles the mind!" Mario stared at the girl for a little longer. She did resemble the swordsman a little. No! What was he thinking! This must be a trick. "I'm sorry, but your prank failed. Now shoo. I have…"

                They never did find out what he had, because within 5 nanoseconds of him saying that, Link's sword was at his throat. Link had an uncharacteristically angry face on. "You dare to question Princess Zelda of Hyrule, peasant?" Marth and Roy jumped. This was a side of Link they had never seen before. Marth opened his mouth, but Link silenced him with a glare. The apoplectic Hylian Knight turned back towards Mario. "Out of respect for our long friendship, I will let you live, provided you pick the next words out of your mouth with extreme care."

                Mario's mouth opened and shut several times. He didn't know what to say. If he continued along his current course, it could lead to his death. Of course, he knew Link wouldn't even consider helping in a practical joke. The fact that Link was here at all, meant that either he had been tricked too or Zelda was telling the truth. One more look at the girl ought to prove it one way or another. And then god help the man who tricked Link into this. He stared at her. And widened his eyes in surprise. Except for the obvious things, the girl was Roy's splitting image. Mario prided himself on his ability to know almost everything about anyone within a few days of meeting them. Although, the fact that he wasn't aware that Link would quite willingly commit murder to defend the honor of Zelda did kind of mean that he wasn't as skilled as he thought. Roy had no sisters. In fact, Roy's only family was his sick father. That meant that unless Zelda was better at magic than she claimed, this girl was the real thing. "I have to write a speech to inform the other Smashers of this change. That is… if she's staying?"

                Link pulled his sword away from Mario's neck and spun it back into its sheath. He turned towards Roy. "Are you? There will be no dishonor in leaving. I would be honored to help you back to your land if you so choose, and are untrusting of your new body's abilities."

                "As would I, Roy. We are your best friends, after all. But it is ultimately, your choice." Marth knew she should leave. But a part of him would be sad to see his friend leave. And a darker part of him thought it would be a shame for her to leave before he could find out if the dream really was a prophecy. "I would be happier if you stayed."

                Link looked at warningly at Marth. While emotionally, he could understand, Link had learned long ago that when push came to shove, duty came above all else. "Marth, a dream is not always a prophecy." Link could see his duty, and it was clear. Roy's new body could not cope with the rigors of combat, and she lacked the skills that Zelda and Peach had to compensate, and she certainly didn't have a suit of Chozo power armor like Samus. He had to get her to leave the tournament before she was injured. "I'm afraid I misspoke, Roy. I feel that it is in your best interests to leave. And leave now. Perhaps… Yes. I would see to your father, if I was you. Learning his son is now his daughter might kill him if the news came from anyone else."

                Roy stared at the Hylian. _Why is he trying to get rid of me_? _He's met my father, and while it pains me to admit, father wouldn't notice if I became a frog. He's just too far gone .Maybe he thinks I can't cope. Yes! That's it. Well, I'll show him. _ "While I agree broadly with Link, I'm afraid I must stay. I've put in too much to drop out now."

                Link stared at her. He sagged his shoulders and spoke in a disappointed voice. "Very well. I'm afraid that it's a bad idea, though. A truly bad idea." He snapped back to attention. "If that is your decision, I will stand by it. But, I am your friend, and so I advise you to reconsider. The tournament is no place for a woman with out any martial skills."

                "What do you mean, with out any martial skills? I can use my sword! You can train me in a way that will enable me to more then compensate for my…" Link's face darkened. His mouth twisted into a scowl. His eyes flared.

                "Use your sword!  Like a Gerudo thief! I will not tolerate it! I will not help! I won't stand here and hear this!" Link started out of the room. Marth moved into his way. "What do you want, Marth?"

                "What's wrong with the idea? I think it's brilliant!"

                "You would. Out of my way. _You can help her in this madness. __I will have nothing to do with it."_

                "Link, why not? She is your friend" Link spun his sword into the door by Marth's head.

                "Only one type of women uses swords. Gerudo women." He spat the name out. "They are a blight on the land, and if the goddesses have any mercy, I will be able to kill them all." Marth and Roy looked at Zelda. She seemed as frightened and shocked as them. Link continued in a voice that held barely contained malice. "If she wants to be a Gerudo, she is no friend of mine. Now get out of my way or my next slice will be at your neck." He raised a gauntleted hand and pushed Marth out of the way. Marth was sent flying into the floor. Link stalked off down the corridor.

                "What's wrong with him?" Mario asked Zelda.

                "Oh… I thought that getting him away from Hyrule would cure this obsession of his!" She turned to the others. "I'm sorry you had to witness that. He has few flaws, but one of them is his hatred of the Gerudo. He wasn't always like this, I promise you. He used to have a couple of Gerudo friends. This started only a couple of years ago. He came back from an adventure and ordered his Gerudo friends thrown in prison as traitors. They disappeared before we could hold a trial. I had no idea it was this bad, though. I know he tried to get Daddy to authorize some type of expedition against the Gerudo. He was refused. I didn't know Link was contemplating genocide. It probably has been made even worse by the fact that he has to be so polite to Ganondorf. You all right, Marth?

                "What hit me? There's no way he can be that strong!" Marth felt his shoulder. It wasn't broken, but it was in incredible pain.

                'Those gauntlets more than double his strength. You're lucky he's your friend. If he hated you, he'd have punched through your ribcage, and ripped your heart out."

                "He… was pulling his punch? I think that I have new respect for Ganondorf being able to survive fighting him."

                "Why do you think Link hates the Gerudo so much?" Even as Roy heard the words, Roy knew that wasn't the whole story. It was a part of it certainly, but Link wasn't the type of person who could hate an entire race just because his archenemy was a member of it. There had to be something more. Either Zelda was lying to them, or Link was lying to Zelda.

                "Oh. Roy, since the only other person who could train you _is Ganondorf, I suggest you quit. You don't want to become Link's enemy." Marth shuddered. "You _really_ don't want to become his enemy._

                "What about you? Couldn't you teach her?"

                "I can't. I'm not a good teacher."

                "Don't worry." They looked at Mario. "Let Zelda work on Link. I'm sure she can bring him around."

                "That's right, Roy. While I agree with Link on many things, this hatred of his is unjustified. I've met several nice Gerudo, but he won't hear of it. The only way to fix this is to get him to believe that you will be honorable, which he already knows. He just needs reminding." She sighed and then made an attempt to change the subject. "Oh. We also have to think of another name for you."

                "Why?"

                "Roy is _not_ a name for a girl. Mario, do you have any ideas?"

                "How about… Roi?"

                "Roy? But I said a new name."

                "No, Roi. With an I, instead of a Y."

                "Hmm. I like it. What about you, Roy?"

                Roy thought about it. She looked at her new body, and thought about what had happened in her dream last night. She sighed. "Roi it is. But, if I'm a girl, then I need some new clothes."

                "After the meeting, I'll take you shopping."

                "Meeting?"

                "Yes. To tell the other Smashers what happened to you." Zelda smiled. "Don't worry. Me, Samus and Peach can help out. And I'm sure that Marth will be on hand to protect you. And if a fight does start, even Link will help you, though he'll demand repayment from me later."

                "Alright. Let's go." Roi _nee _Roy got up.

                "And I'll call Master Hand and inform him of the change." Mario picked up the phone.

                *              *              *

                Roi sat on the podium. She looked around at the various Smashers. Bowser, Mewtwo and Ganondorf were sitting at the back, making jokes. Of course they already knew. As far away from them as possible, Link sat glaring at her. Zelda and Marth were sitting next to him, and she could hear snippets of an argument. Sitting right in front of them were Captain Falcon, Fox and Falco. Next to them, Ness and the Ice climbers were smacking each other in the head with bats and mallets. Sitting in the middle, but ignoring it, Young Link was also staring at her with hatred. She shuddered. Link must have told him. She shuddered. Y. Link was worse than Old Link for grudges. Old Link didn't set people on fire.  Luigi, Mario and Dr. Mario sat nearby. Mario gave her a cheerful smile. The other Pokemon sat in the front row. Mr. Game&Watch sat next to Donkey Kong. Samus and Peach were in the back, fighting with Yoshi and Kirby. She wondered which group she was in now. Still the warriors? No. Link might kill himself if Zelda ordered him to let Roi back in. The Girls? No. She hoped not. Above her, Master Hand snapped his fingers. The crowd fell into silence. They all feared Master Hand. 

                "I have been informed of a change in the tournament contestants. While, normally, I would wait until the season officially starts before I inform you people, this is important enough to warrant an immediate meeting."

                "Enough talk, Master Hand. Who's the gorgeous chick in the tight clothing?" Falcon. Of course. The prat. Link and Marth looked at each other, and then clubbed Falcon with their swords' hilts.

                "Thank you, Links. This young woman was until yesterday the warrior known as Roy. A massive magical accident turned him into this beautiful creature under me. Stand up, Roi." The giant hand was careful to pronounce the I. Roi stood up and turned around in a circle. "Now, I expect you to give her all the respect you gave her when she was a boy. Also, I have been informed that one of the finest warriors here has agreed to train her to her new body. Stand up, Link." Link got up slowly, Zelda and Marth pushing him up. "Link, do you have anything to say?"

                "Yes. I have lots of things to say. I do not want to train her. In fact, I urge you all to encourage her to leave. It is in our, best interests for all Gerudo and their like to leave." Ganondorf stared at him. Link met his gaze, and after a few seconds of looking into that blue fire, Ganon looked away. Link smirked until Zelda slapped him. Link sighed. "Yes, Zelda. I order you all to disregard my previous statements. Next, I would like to make it clear that anyone who molests Roi in anyway will be severely injured. And that will be their first warning. The second warning will be having their head ripped off. Understand?"   

                "Thank you for that, Link. Let me add a qualifier. If you survive Link's punishment, then you will be expelled from the tournament. In fact, molest anyone who doesn't want it, and you will be kicked out so fast, your head will spin. Capish? That's all. Return to practice." The fighters filtered out slowly as Master Hand faded away. Soon, Marth, Link, and Zelda were the only ones left. Roi strolled over to them.

                Link scowled. "I have been ordered, so I will comply. But that doesn't mean I must deal with you outside of the practice field. Good day to the rest of you. As for you, _Gerudo_, I will see you on the practice field tomorrow at 6:00 in the morning. Don't be late." He turned and marched off.

                "Oh, Link. Don't be like this." Zelda chased after him. That just left Marth and Roi. Marth sat down.

                "Don't worry, Roi. Link will come around eventually."

                "But why does he hate the Gerudo so much? He's not the type of person who would hate the entire race on the actions of one person."

                "I don't know. Last night, I wouldn't have thought him the type of person to threaten someone with death just because they questioned the princess. And certainly not the type of person who would call Mario a peasant. I guess you just have to avoid certain subjects, and stay within certain boundaries with him." Marth was staring at Roi. Her every curve was revealed under the clothes she had borrowed from Samus. He tried to think of something else.

                "Well, if you don't care, I do. Link is our friend, and he must have some reason for so hating the Gerudo. Hatred like that can kill people. It's happening to my father, and it will happen to Link if he's not saved from it. You can't possibly accept Zelda's explanation." Roi was trying to keep her mind off the dream, and what had happened by the fountain.

                "I do care. And no, I don't accept Zelda's explanation. But, that is the most we're going to get. Link can be incredibly tight-lipped if he wants to be. Just let him keep his secrets. Meanwhile, you should do your best to find a way to re-prove you're honor to him." He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. Then, looking shocked, he turned and ran out the door. Roi stood there, her cheeks colored. She shook her head and left, trying to clear her mind of the kiss.

Looks like being a girl is the least of Roy's, I'm sorry, Roi's, troubles. Link is probably going to make her life a living hell. She's slowly falling in love with Marth. And to top it all off, next chapter, she's going shopping for clothes… with Peach! The humor will come back next chapter. Also, I will give a little hint about Link's genocidal tendencies. Think back to Ocarina of Time. Or more specifically, the baby Deku Tree's explanation. That's the hint. Sadly, I have never played Fire Emblem 3 (Or any Fire Emblem), so I'm not sure about why Roy's father is at death's door. I think it might have been a poison attempt. Which means hatred did kill him, in a roundabout way. But in Link's case, Roi means he might pop or something. (As an aside, I would greatly appreciate it if someone could send me information about Fire Emblem). Don't worry. Link will return to normal, in just a couple of chapters.


	4. Feelings

Ladies and Gentlemen, I, Slywolf, am pleased to announce the next chapter of a Familiar Stranger. And I will now force Roi to undergo a rigorous interview. 

Roi, How do you feel about Link?

"I feel sorry for him. Whatever happened to him with the Gerudo must have been terrible." 

So you give him permission to force you to undertake a rigorous and nasty test before he trains you?

"What!"

Never mind. And how are you coping with being a girl?

"Well… don't spread this around… but the first time I had to use the toilet, I kind of forgot I was a girl…"

In a shocking disregard for the laws of writing, I will temporarily switch to script format in order to adequately display my feelings on what I just heard.

Slywolf: X_X 

Thank you for your forbearance. Roy, don't worry. Only I and the four hundred people my faulty hit count monitor says are reading this story know of what you have just said. (Of course, if there really were 400 people reading this story, I would expect that at least 100 are members. SO I WOULD BE GETTING MORE REVIEWS!) What I meant is how are you coping with the whole (Looks around to ensure Zelda and Link aren't nearby) breasts and curves thing?

"You're sick."

Why, thank you.

"I'm coping. It was a bit of a shock trying to get into shirts that used to be loose only to have them split. And looking at a naked girl and no longer getting a thrill out of it is a bit disconcerting. And as for these colossal things on my chest, how do girls cope with them?"

Firstly, I would have to say that in order to increase comic potential, your brea… actually, let's just say that you're three times the woman Zelda is and let it go. 

"My… chest is three times larger than Zelda's?"

Well, she is an elf. You are a human, so obviously you're bulkier. Besides, where do you think all the weight from your muscles went when you became a girl?

"That's why the Sealed Sword is so much heavier." 

Moving on, how do you feel about the fact that this is a Romance story?

"It is? God, I pity the people who you have… Oh no. Not me!"

Well, someone's a bit dense. Yes, you.

"Who with?"

You really are very dense. I pity you.

"Who? Is it Marth?"

And that's all the time we have on Celebrity Squares! I, Slywolf, own absolutely nothing. And Thais, Fanfiction.Net needs more reviewers like you! I can only hope your example shames other people into reviewing every chapter! Can you do the same for Pathway's of Fate? Please? I know that a lot of people are reading it, but no one is reviewing. It is truly irritating!

"Is it Marth? Or maybe Captain Falcon? Or Link? Or Mario? Or Luigi? Who! Tell me!"

Sorry, thicky. We have a story to start here.

"Zelda, what do you mean, you can't take me shopping?" Roi stared at her friend.

"I'm sorry, but I promised Link I would let him take me for lunch three days ago." Zelda looked apologetic.

"Can't you change the date? I need clothes now! I can't just go around in my boy clothes. All the men here have fits when I walk past them."

"Except Link, who wants to rip your head off. And that is why I have to have lunch with him. To get him to change his mind on that score. But, you do have to get clothes. Hmm." She looked around. Samus had left early to grind Captain Falcon into dust for stealing her bra. Zelda almost pitied the reincarnation of Happosai (Ranma ½ character, who is a lecherous panty-thief). That left… "Peach? Come here, will you?" Roi's face fell.

"Oh no! Not her! She's an… airhead!"

***

That had been 6 hours ago. 

"So, we've narrowed it down to 5 shades of red. Hmm." Peach licked her lips. She wanted to get Roi's lingerie color to match her just perfectly.

"Peach, why are we bothering with the lingerie?" Roi asked dejectedly. After taking one look at the clothes she had picked out, Peach had shook her head and made her take them all back. Then she had spent an hour picking out various types of shoes, then another hour on skirts, and another on blouses, and another on make up, and a fifth on combat wear (Peach agreed with Link in that women shouldn't use swords. But, since it meant another hour in the mall, she had agreed to Roi's request delightedly). They were about to leave when Roi had mentioned underwear. Peach had squealed sorry, and then dragged her off to Victoria's Secret (No, I have never been in. Nor have I tried to get in. Nor, if my luck holds, will I ever go in there. So far, my girlfriend has resisted the temptation to send me in to get her something). Once inside, she had literally ripped Roi's clothes off, and sat her inside a changing cubicle. 

"Because men love this stuff a lot more than they like 'Sports Bras'." Peach said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"And why should I care what men like?" Roi asked angrily.

Peach looked at Roi's figure. She shook her head. "If you don't, that is the biggest waste in the galaxy."

Roi blushed. 

***

After half in hour more in Victoria's Secret, Peach had forced Roi to get into a complete set of her new clothes and twirl in front of a male employee (Yes, I know the idea of a male V.S. employee is stupid. That's part of the joke!). The man suffered a triple heart attack. Peach considered the attempt a success. Then, she sent Roi to the food court and went to take care of some personal business. After spending 5 minutes in the food court, Roi had gotten bored and gone for a walk. As she was walking, she tripped and fell, but was caught at the last by…

"Whoah, Roi! It would be a shame for you to break something in that lovely outfit!" She looked up and into Marth's face. Link stood next to him, wearing a worried expression. When the Hylian noticed Roi looking at him, though, he wiped it off his face and replaced it with a scowl. He held it for five seconds before losing it and returning to his customary grin. Roi giggled.

"Thanks for saving me, Marth." She said. Inside, though, she was thinking _God, he's so handsome. And strong. I wonder… If I'm a girl now, can I fall in love with him?_

"It's all right. To tell the truth, I did hardly anything. It's Link here whose magic slowed your fall enough for me to catch you." Marth replied. _No! Why did I say that! Damn it, she feels nice to hold._

Roi pulled herself up. She turned to Link. "Well, if that's the case, I should reward him, shouldn't I?" 

"No, it was Marth all the way."

"Oh! Handsome and modest! Well, here's your reward" She leaned forward and kissed Link's forehead. Link tried to look angry, but he failed. Instead, his mouth expanded into a happy smile.

"Well, I… guess it was worth saving you, Roi" Marth coughed. "And… I'm sorry for what I said earlier today. You're not a Gerudo, and I'm sorry for thinking you were. I had no right to drag you into my own problems."

"Thank you, Link. But why do y…" She noticed Marth shaking his head and making a cutting motion across his neck. "So, what are you two doing here?"

"Hmm? We're getting dinner. The chef at the Smasher's bar is preparing something called 'Meet Stu'." Marth turned to Link. "Link, do you think we can let her come? She is a girl, after all." 

"Up to you, Marth. If you want, I can go to another restaurant and leave you two lovebirds alone." Link leered genteelly. Marth punched him. "Hey! You stupid human!" He removed his gauntlet and then punched back.

"That's it? You punch like a woman!" Marth laughed.

"Would you prefer I put the gauntlet back on?" Marth had a sudden vision of his heart being used as a tennis ball by Link and shook his head. 

"Men." Roi muttered. Marth and Link suddenly stopped pummeling each other and looked at her concerned.

"Well, she's a woman all right." Link remarked.

"Yeah. Bound to happen eventually. The danger signs are when she starts falling over in order to encourage nearby men to save her." Marth shook his head.

"Yeah." Link's brow furrowed. "You mean… like she just did?"

"Look. Can I come, or can't I?"

"Actually, if Link has no objections, I would love to have you come. Link?" Marth asked.

Link thought for a few seconds. "She can go with you instead of me. I have to pick up something for Zelda. At some place called," He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and read it "Victoria's Secret." He turned to Marth. "Who is Victoria, and why does she have a secret?" Marth whispered something into his ear. Link paled. "I hate this planet."

"You can always get drunk, and tell her you forgot it."

"No. I am her true knight. Farewell, Marth. I might not return." He walked away. Than, when he was around the corner, he grabbed a passing woman by the arm, held a sword to her neck, and waved the paper in front of her. "Either you get this for me, or I will slice you into 50 flesh cubes." Honor is all very well and good, but there are some things no man should have to do. Marth and Roi didn't notice.

"Poor Link. Well, shall we? I have reservations for two at the Hava Happa Dai sushi restaurant." Marth held his arm out for her. She slipped her arm around his, and they went off…

***

Marth was walking Roi back to the room she shared with Zelda. "I must say, Marth, it was very nice the way you still tipped him after he set your shirt on fire."

"And the way you didn't slap that waiter when he poured water on your white blouse showed tremendous self control. It is a bit of a pity that Link was walking past when it happened."

"I thought slapping him would be rubbing salt in the wound."

"And he had so many to choose from, you didn't have enough salt for them all."

"Exactly!"

They reached her room. "Well, Roi, here's your stop. Goodnight. You need your sleep. Even though Link is your friend again, he still plans to send you through the hardest training he can come up with."

"He's suffering a 'You have to be cruel to be kind' moment, isn't he." Roi sighed. Marth noted the way her breasts moved when she sighed. "Well, Marth, thank you for a lovely evening." She leaned forward and kissed him. She pulled back, then moved in closer until their bodies were touching, took a deep breath, and kissed him again, wrapping her arms around him for support. Marth reached around her slender frame, and hugged her close to him. They both closed their eyes, lost in the moment.

__

20 minutes later

Marth entered his room in a daze. Link watched him over a cup of coffee. He staggered over to the table, collapsed into a chair and stared at Link as if seeing him for the first time ever. Link waited and then said, "Interesting. I would ask you how it went, but I feel it would be pointless. Good kisser, is she?" Marth just stared. "All right, all right. If it means that much to you. So, Marth, how did your date with Roi go?" Marth kept staring. Link waved a hand in front of his eyes. "Link to Marth, Link to Marth. Come in, Marth." Marth continued to stare. "Okay. I am scared now. Is everything all right?" Link began to inch for the phone to call Dr. Mario. 

"I kissed Roi." Marth said in a stunned voice.

"Ah, good. Back to your senses?"

"I kissed Roi."

"I gathered that, yes."

"I kissed Roi!"

"Getting creeped out."

"I! Kissed! Roi!"

"I'm calling Dr. Mario." Link grabbed for the phone, but Marth pulled a dagger out and stabbed it down between Link's fingers. "Okay. I'm not calling Dr. Mario. I'm going to spend the night listening to you repeat yourself."

"And I enjoyed it!"

"If this isn't going anywhere, I'm going to have to kill you."

"It was great!"

"I figured that out."

"And I think… I think I'm in love!"

"Good. I would be worried if you kissed her and you didn't love her."

"I love Roi!"

"If she's like this at our training session tomorrow, I will kill myself."

"No! You don't understand! I am in love with Roi!"

"Mazel Tov. Absolutely top hole. Right. I have said 'great' in two languages. Can I leave?" Marth reached forward and twisted Link's left ear. "You have my full attention."

"I am in love with Roi."

"Right."

"And I kissed Roi."

"With you all the way." 

"And Roi is a boy."

"No, _Roy_ wasa boy. _Roi_ isa girl. I would draw you a picture, but I find it hard to concentrate when someone is bending my ear. Really, Marth. I explained it all last night!" Link's ear was whitening. "Can you let go?"

Marth ignored that "So you did. But… how female is she?"

"Did she kiss you?" 

"Yes…"

"Did she start the kiss?"

"Yes."

"Was she gay before she became a girl?"

"No."

"Then I would have to say she is as female as Zelda. Possibly more so."

"Thanks, buddy."

"You can thank me by letting go of my ear." Said ear was purple, and there was the sound of crunching.

"Sorry?"

"Let go! Let go! It hurts! Augh! Please!" Marth blinked. Link was actually crying. He let go.

"Sorry, Link. I forgot how sensitive Hylian ears are." Link glared at him with raw hatred, feeling his ear. Link's eyes narrowed. Marth looked for somewhere to hide. 

"You forgot. You bastard, you could have killed me!" He scrunched his hand into a fist and shot straight for Marth's nose. 

Next chapter, Roi's training. Don't worry, Marth is all right. He has a broken nose, but considering Link was wearing his gauntlets, it could have been so much worse. Marth also agrees that he deserved it, don't you Marth?

"Yeth I did"

I'm sorry?

"Yeth I did!"

I can't understand a word you're saying.

"I thaid I did you thtubid authow." 

Nope. Not a word. You should get that looked at.

Thylwolv, it'th not vunny! My nothe is bwoken!

Is it Incan? Because if you're trying to tell me something in Incan, I don't speak the… oh! Where did he go? Anyway, he and Link are friends again. And… while I promised myself I would never reveal this, but Roi and Marth had the exact same dream. The only difference is when they woke up. Some of you may not like the fact that Link returned to sanity so soon, but don't worry, it was all done for a very, very good reason. MWA-HA-HA-HA! Oh, and thanks, turqoisefox. That gave me a very, very, very, good idea…. What would Elliwood say if his son became his daughter?

Now, if you enjoyed this story, review, or you're nothing but a common thief! Review! Now! Click the blue button!


	5. Roi's Training

I have decided to have Yoda do the disclaimers. Why? Because I can!

Yoda: Own Super Smash Brothers, Slywolf does not.

Thanks, you muppet.

Yoda: No muppet am I.

Right. Heh. You look like a little green bunny. Hippity-hoppity. 

Yoda: Haiyah!

Ow! Stop whacking me with your cane.

Yoda: Okay. Lightsaber I will use now.

On second thought, I like the cane. Ouch. Stop pummeling me! It's really painful!

Yoda: Enjoy pummeling you, I do.

Bad rabbit! Ouch! Owies! Not _ there. Ungh.

Yoda: Gone to sleep, Slywolf has. Enjoy the story, you will.

**It is a dark time for the rebellion. Imperial force…**

Yoda: Wrong story. Insert new reel, I will.

Why do I always get injured? Ow.

Yoda: Haiyah!

X_X

Roi could feel herself being shaken awake. When she opened her eyes, Link waved at her. She jumped back. "Link! What are you doing in my room?" She hastily pulled the blanket up to her neck. "Enjoying the view, were you?"

"Oh, good goddesses, no. You're pretty and all that, but your ears are too round for my tastes. Besides, you're Marth's girl. Enjoy last night?" Link winced and rubbed his bandaged ear. 

"Oh, Link. You're hurt!"

"I've had worse. Anyway, it's time for your training to commence. Did you enjoy last night?"

"Yes, actually. It was pleasant."

"Are you _sure_ all you did was kiss? Marth came back into the room as a zombie. He certainly enjoyed himself. It was almost a pity I had to break his nose." He winced again. "Anyway, just throw on some clothes."

Roi tossed off the blanket. "Link, can you leave while I'm getting dressed?"

"I don't know why. I just saw all you had to offer." Link smirked. "You really shouldn't sleep naked. Especially in such a crowded building."

Roi flushed, and slapped Link. "Pervert."

"Everyone seems to be hitting me lately." Link backed out of the room.

Alone at last, Roi looked at her wardrobe. She pulled out a sports bra and a pair of panties and pulled them on. "Should I bother to put on anything else? Training might require mobility."

Zelda was pushed into the room by unseen hands. "Roi, Link says that you won't be needing your sword today. And I would put on some more clothes, if I was you." Zelda turned and spoke to someone outside. "And Marth said that he recommends that you do exactly as Link says." She turned and left.

"Why wouldn't I need my sword?" She asked the air. Turning to her wardrobe, she pulled out a short red skirt and a tight blue blouse. "These will do." She put them on and went outside. She smiled at the open-mouthed Marth and Link. "Hello, boys."

"Um… very nice clothes, human. They look a bit… confining, though. Don't you have combat wear?" Link kept his eyes focused on her face.

"Ignowe him, Woi. You look gowgeouth." Marth, on the other hand, wasn't even trying to not stare. "In fose cloves, efewy thingle man in the Thmasherth will be unable to harm you." His nose was heavily bandaged. She stared at that, and at Link's left ear, also heavily bandaged.

"What happened to you two?" She asked.

"These two morons had a bit of a… falling out last night. It's amazing how they can be friends. The number of times they've injured each other…" Zelda shook her head. "The only thing they can't agree on is whose fault it is."

"Oh, Marth." Roi kissed him soundly. Marth smiled triumphantly and turned to Link, who grudgingly put a couple of coins in Marth's hand. 

"Roi, we really should get going." Link stood up and grabbed her tightly. "Now, just hold on…" The room shifted and blurred into darkness. Then another room took shape around them. It was a huge room. In the distance, 16 glass tubes snaked down from the ceiling in clusters of four. Around the two people, statues of Hylians holding weapons stared down. There were other creatures here too. Strange fish-men jabbed spears into the air. Things that looked like nothing more than walking rocks stood in martial poses. Several statues seemed to be of round-eared women slicing scimitars at nothing. In the corners, what looked to be humanoid birds stood holding small daggers. Scattered haphazardly amongst the larger statues were sculptures of what looked like little children holding sticks and plant things holding seeds. There were other statues, too numerous to count. More bird things, holding small pendants. Bipedal pigs thrusting spears at invisible targets. Dog-men wearing armor and carrying swords almost as large as them. Link must have noticed her staring. "Roi, this is the Temple of Life. The most sacred place in my homeland. These are the intelligent races of my world. I would show you around, but we are here for a greater purpose." He led her to the glass tube clusters. At the top of each one was a different symbol. The cluster on the far left had a stone face glaring at them all. The one on the middle left had the face of one of the fish things staring at them. The one on the middle right had a round eared woman's face gazing into nothingness. And the one on the far right had a Hylian face. "From left to right, these are the Gorons, the Zora, the… Gerudo raiders, and the Hylians. These are the dominant races of my homeworld."

Roi stared, puzzled. "Link, why are you showing me this?" He smiled and went to a lever, pulling it. A collection of stones skidded down the tubes of the Goron cluster. Rubies on the left, sapphires in the middle and emeralds on the left. The fourth tube remained empty. 

"The red represents power. The blue shows wisdom. The green is courage. Now, which do the Gorons have in abundance?" She stared. There were hardly any in the green column. The blue column barely reached halfway. But the red went all the way to the top.

"Power. The Goron race has power in abundance."

"Indeed. Strong, and as wise as the hills, but they have no courage. If they wished, they could do anything. Yet… they lack the ability to take risks. They have too much to lose, they believe. They do not understand that it is not what they have to lose, it is what they stand to gain." Link pulled another lever. Rubies, emeralds and sapphires slid down the Zora columns. This time, the sapphires rose to the top, the emeralds reached halfway, and the rubies packed at the bottom. "The Zora, on the other hand, are as wise as the oceans. They have the courage to do what needs to be done, and the skill to do it. But, they lack power. They are at the mercy of the other races and the elements." He pulled the third lever. In the Gerudo one, the emeralds overflowed, scattering around. The rubies reached the three quarter mark, but no sapphires came down. Link's smile had disappeared. "Now, you tell me what this says about the Gerudo."

Roi concentrated. "They have large amounts of courage, and a reasonable amount of power, but no wisdom."

"Correct. The Gerudo have no wisdom because they are soulless. They truly have nothing to lose in death. When they die, they fade into oblivion. Their power comes from the fact that they will do anything to live forever. Centuries ago, they bargained with a demonic power who drained their souls, but made them great mages and warriors. Yet, for all that, they have very little strength. So little, in fact, that a Hylian child who knows what he's doing could defeat them. And without wisdom, courage is just a way to get yourself killed in interesting ways." He pulled the fourth lever. A cascade of stones fell into the Hylian cluster. All 3 columns climbed halfway up. "Now we come to the masters. My people. What does this say about us?"

"You are all in balance. You have courage, but not foolhardiness. Your wisdom is adequate for what you need. You have power, but not so much as the Gorons or Gerudo."

"And yet, despite the fact that we are an average, some might say middling, race, we run the planet. Why is that? What do we have that they don't?"

"You can pit your strengths against their weaknesses?"

"No. We have this." He pulled a fifth lever. A cascade of amethysts fell into the four empty tubes. "We have purpose."

"Purpose? I don't understand." The amethysts reached the top in the Hylian cluster, the ¼ mark in the Gerudo cluster, they packed at the bottom in the Goron cluster, and they reached halfway in the Zora cluster.

"It is purpose that unites us. Purpose that defines us. Purpose that creates us. We are purpose. Every single Hylian in the planet has one goal. The ultimate betterment of the race as a whole. Those that don't have such a purpose leave the community. Indeed, are forced to leave the community. The paths may differ, the goal may superficially differ, but they all have one thing in common. The race will be better off with the goal, whatever it is, reached. In our thousands of years of history, there has never once been a war between the Hylian nations. Occasionally, someone becomes blinded by his own thoughts, and embarks on a cause which will hurt the race. But he or she believes still that the race will be better off with his or her goals reached."

"The greater good above all else?" Roi asked sarcastically. "You sound like a bunch of ants. Don't you have any independent motives?"

"Of course. But all independent motives will be satisfied if the race is better. And that is what you must have. As a woman warrior especially. You have lost a great deal of strength. You must develop a purpose, and the skill and courage to reach that purpose. That is what will lead you to victory." Link recited a catechism. "There is no rock so hard that water can't erode it. No water so wet that trees can't absorb it. No tree so strong that an axe can't chop it down. And no axe so sharp that a rock can not dull its blade."

"I see. But then… what am I to do?"

"I will take you back to the Smash HQ. Then, you will think on a purpose. Next time we meet, I want to hear it. That is all for now." The room blurred, and he and Roi reappeared in Zelda's chambers. Link bowed and left. 

"Did you learn anything from him?" Zelda asked. "I hope so. You were gone for 4 hours."

"Four hours? That's impossible! How? We were in the Temple of Life for only 40 minutes, tops. And as to what I learned… I don't know what I learned. If I learned anything, it's that a human can't reasonably expect to learn everything about Hylians even if they spend their entire lives at it." Roi gazed at a clock. It _had_ been 4 hours. 

"Then you have learned a valuable lesson already. Now, let's go get lunch. Marth and Link told me earlier that they would pay." As Roi followed Zelda to the café, she thought on what Link had told her. 

Sorry about the deepness. Wrong story for it. But next training lesson, there is funniness. Now Roi is going to the Smash Café for the first time since she became a girl. And… in a couple of chapter, she will be getting a letter from an important person. Do you have anything to add, you muppet?

Yoda: Let me out of this headlock, you will.

I don't think so.

Yoda: Let me out of this headlock, you will. 

Let you out of the headlock, I will.

Yoda: Bring me a cookie, you will.

Have a cookie.

Yoda: Jedi Mind powers I love.


	6. The Cantina

Hello? Anyone here? No? Oh good. For once, I can do an Author's note without being injured.

I own nothing. Save for Luna and Roi. However, those who want to use either of them may. Provided, of course, that I am asked. If not, then I will come down on you like the pile of rectangular building things that just fell on me. Ouch! Damn it, with all these new authors, there's all sorts of construction here on FF.Net. Hmm. At least my comfortable Biscarvet Manor is free to relax in. Wait a sec… No! Where is my manor? What do you mean, it's behind this construction? What about the viewshed? I had great views of the Hellsing section! This is unfair! What? No, I won't lodge a complaint. Ah well. I still have a story to do. And Marth and Link are both healed, because the gag was wearing thin.

The Smash Canteen was a busy place. Everyone was there, except for Mr. Game&Watch, who spent all of his free time inside a Game&Watch unit. People sat where they pleased, though mostly they bunched up alongside friendship lines. Marth and Link stood in line behind Samus and Captain Falcon, who were having one of their perennial arguments. "But Armored Muffin, you left the bra in my room!" Captain Falcon rubbed his cheek. Marth and Link snickered. Samus turned around and glared at them. They both whistled innocently. After Samus had dragged Captain Falcon over to an empty table, Link strode up to the counter.

"What would you like, Mr. Link?" Mrs. Miggins asked.

"Well, I would love a dodongo steak, grilled just to perfection in a rock-pit, marinated in yogurt sauce, and then garnished with peahat wings. But, I'll settle for the gunk on the menu." Link sighed.

"Ah, so you _won't _be having the dodongo steak, then." She removed an aluminum wrapped object from the serving window. Underneath it was what looked to Marth like an alligator skin purse. Link grabbed her arm.

"Let's not be hasty, Mrs. Miggins. Have I ever told you how beautiful you are? How great a cook you are? Have I ever called you the paragon of women you are?" 

"Ah, Mr. Link, flattery can get you anywhere! Here you go." She placed the steak on his tray. Link made a hungry noise in his mouth. "And I haven't forgotten you, Mr. Marth. One Peking Duck." She placed the duck on Marth's tray. "And for drinks that's a Chateau Romani for Mr. Link, and a saki for Marth." She handed them the two drinks.

"Did Master Hand approve your proposal, then?"  


"Indeed he did, Mr. Marth. From now on, his fighters dine like kings. I mean, we're making enough money from the matches and television shows, I don't see why not!"

After spending a few more minutes congratulating both themselves and the elderly chef, the two friends moved over to a seat overlooking the forest. Link smiled, then began devouring the scaly steak with gusto. Marth watched, disgusted. "How can you eat that? It looks like lizard meat!"

"As a matter of fact, Marth, it is not lizard meat. It is dragon flesh, and there is not a single taste anywhere to compare with it." Marth tuned him out and then began eating his duck. 

All of a sudden, their peaceful meal was distracted by loud wolf whistles. They both looked up. Roi and Zelda were heading towards them, Roi embarrassed, Zelda furious. Marth and Link's hands went to their swords. When Roi sat down, there were loud catcalls from the villain's table and from Fox and Falco. Link muttered to himself something that sounded like, "Pigs".

"These people. You'd think they had nothing better to do with their time." Zelda's face was blotched white and red. The apoplectic princess continued, "the minute Roi walked in they all started whistling. I'm tempted to order you to kill them all, Link." Link nodded and began drawing his blade.

"Really, Zelda, there's no need. I suppose it's my own fault for wearing so little." Roi blushed again at the stares Link and Marth were giving her. "Um, my face is up here, boys." Link's head snapped up so quickly it made an audible snap. Marth moved up slower, taking in everything until Link slapped the back of his head. The rest of the meal carried on in general silence, broken only by Link and Marth talking about military matters.

"No, no, no. That might be the way you humans do it, but we prefer a more subtle approach. Stealth wins out over brute force 5/10."

"Yes, but what about the other 5 times?" Roi hardly listened. When she had been a boy, she would have been smack in the middle of the argument. But now, her interest in military matters were limited. She preferred to watch Marth. _He's so handsome, and also he's smart. I wonder why I never noticed that before?_

***

After the meal was finished, they were leaving when Roi jumped. "Someone pinched me!" They all turned around. There was no one there but Fox, who had a guilty look on his face. Link shook his head and continued on. He had gone all of 6 steps before he realized Marth wasn't with him. Turning slowly, dreading what he was about to see, he saw Marth standing over Fox, who had been pushed so hard on to the floor his leg had broken. Link swore under his breath and ran to Marth.

"Baka Kitsune! You want to die? Do it again! Come on!" Marth drew his sword and waved it in front of Fox. "Want to touch something? Touch this!" He was about to slice Fox's head off when his blade was knocked from his hands by a vicious cut to the palm. He turned to see Link glaring at him.

"You fool. _Nothing _would justify what you were about to do. Are you a warrior, or are you just some type of vicious thug?" Link snarled, and then turned to Fox. "As for you, if you ever do anything like that again, you will wish I had let Marth kill you. Being killed by Marth would be like heaven compared to 5 minutes with me," he pulled a pencil out of a pocket, "and this pencil. Understand?" Fox stared at the pencil. "Good." He dragged Marth and Roi out of the canteen. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but changed his mind, instead stalking off down the corridor.

Marth and Roi waited until he was gone, then they both started laughing. "Link really needs to let loose!"

"Ha! Do you really think he meant that about the pencil?"

"I don't know, but it got Fox's attention." Roi stared at Marth. Marth stared at Roi. Finally, Roi spoke first. "Look, about last night…"

"Yes. I have to tell you something, Roi. I don't think we can have a relationship. It just won't work." Roi looked hurt. Marth felt like a heel, but continued anyway, "I mean, what would your father say? And really, I doubt you want to have a relationship with someone who can enrage his best friend into trying to kill him. God knows what I would get you to do."

"No. 1, you and Link have had so many fights and blood thirsty duels that I'm surprised either of you is still alive, and yet you two remain inseparable. No 2, I don't know what my father will say, though considering that he's thought I'm a girl for the past two years, I don't think he matters. Besides, he doesn't know."

"Actually, he does. Apparently Link sent him a letter detailing what happened." They turned around to see Zelda. "And as to what he thinks, you can ask him yourself. Or, at least ask his proxy."

"What do you mean?" Zelda passed Roi a letter. "Says here that… oh no! He's sending someone to the 'Family visiting day!'. Damn Link…wait. The family visiting day… that's tomorrow, isn't it?" Marth looked worried. His sister would be visiting tomorrow if that was the case. Zelda shuffled her feet. 

"Actually… it's today. We need to get better mail service." Link said. He had changed out of his normal tunic into a silk one, and his hair had been groomed even more then it normally was. Y. Link ran into him, dressed in a squire's outfit. Link turned to his mini self. "I do not like this at all. Yet needs must have."

"Whoah! Links, your family turning up or something?" Marth asked lightheartedly.

A variety of expressions crossed Link's face, before settling on vague sadness and deep pain. He pulled his sword out and let the light reflect on it. "This is my only family, Marth. My sword." He spun it back into his sheath. Y. Link's face also wore the same expression, while Zelda's face shut down. Marth coughed, embarrassed. _What could he mean by that? I know he doesn't speak of his family at all. Maybe he was exiled._

Roi looked perplexed. "But Link, if your family isn't coming, then what's with the fancy dress?" 

Link was about to answer when a massive hand slapped him forward. A big, red robed, white bearded Hylian strode into the room, with a crown set firmly on his head. Link and Y. Link rapidly stood to attention, swords held high. The big Hylian laughed, "At ease, my boy! At ease! This is an informal visit!" He turned but then his attention snapped back. He stared open mouthed. "Wait a tic. Why are two Links standing in front of me?" Link and Y. Link babbled out all sorts of explanations. He waved them aside. "No matter. I suppose it has something to do with that hand." He was tackled from behind by Zelda.

"Father!" The old man easily lifted Zelda off and embraced her in a bear hug. Marth sighed. Was every Hylian male wearing those accursed gauntlets?

"Father?" Roi and Marth asked together.

Link straightened his tunic and turned to them. "You have the honor of standing in the presence of his Most Holy Hyrulian Majesty, King Harkinian Terbot Hyrule the 2nd." They fell to their knees. "And Roi, I would suggest that you go and pull on a dress." The king was looking at her curiously.

"Ah, of course. 'Til water fails us, and our swords fall beside us, we will continue to fight, even as we die." The king waited for something. The Links spat and did the triangle symbol.

"Um, hello, your majesty." Roi stammered, confused.

"Oh, that's right. Sorry, thought you were a Gerudo." Link spat again and swore. "Enough, Link. You would be that Roy fellow, wouldn't you. Link told me all about what happened. Sadly, we have no cure for it, but you seem to be coping well. If I was you, though, I would go put on some more clothes" Roi ran to her room, embarrassed. "Now, you would be Prince Marth, would you not?"

"Please, your majesty, I am unworthy of the title prince. I lost any right I had to it when I let my people die. Now I am but a humble warrior, attempting to erase the stain on my honor. My sister, my only living relative, rules in my stead." Marth sounded apologetic. Surely this king would ignore me now, he thought.

"Hmm. So you're still better off then my champion here." Once again, Link's face flickered with some deep sorrow. "Ah, well. When your sister arrives I'll discuss the aid proposal with her, then. Now, Link, why don't we go find somewhere to sit?" The two Links led their king to the balcony. Zelda followed. Marth turned, running to get some decent clothes on to meet his sister…

One, two, three, everyone say, cliffhanger! Ah, it's good to be back in the saddle.


	7. Love may be blind, but hate is 2020

No characters belong to me, yada, yada.

Sherlock Holmes: Now, try not to panic madam. When was the last time you saw the missing author?

Roi: It was about one day ago, sir. He seemed very agitated.

Dr. Watson: What do you make of it, Holmes?

Sherlock Holmes: Now, let's review the facts. Slywolf has had a history of bad luck. Therefore, we can deduce through simple logic that something has happened to him. Now, the scorch marks suggest arson, but the Slywolf-shaped hole in the roof suggests that he was pulled upwards by an extreme motive force, to whit, a tractor beam.

Dr. Watson: Remarkable. Aliens coming from nowhere, and kidnapping an author?

Sherlock Holmes: Yes, Watson. All facts point that way. But we must be sure. Madam, does Slywolf have any enemies?

Roi: Well, the Martians hate him. Keller hates him, Link and Zelda hate him, the cast of The Wind Waker hates him, I hate him, Alfonz and Rose hate him, Yoda hates him, and that's just scratching the surface. Not to mention the Venusians, the cast of Super Mario Sunshine, and…

Sherlock Holmes: Perhaps it would be easier to ask who doesn't hate him?

Roi: Mistral2003, Laura K.H., some of the other reviewers and authors, Ganondorf and Mewtwo, Captain Falcon and Samus Aran. Oh, and the Jovians.

Dr. Watson: Why not the Jovians?

Roi: They've never met him.

Dr. Watson: Ah.

Sherlock Holmes: Hmm. Well, just get about your business. Watson and I will be investigating. Come, Watson! The game is afoot!

Roi: Odd people. Still, I have work to do. Now, Slywolf had an author's note prepared. I'll just read it. "Now, this author's note will be in two parts. Firstly, I thank all my loyal fans for waiting so long, and keepin' the faith! Secondly, I have recently learned of a horrific conspiracy involving Yoda, the Purple People Eaters of the planet Hippocrus 9, and former president Heavy scorching. This awful, world shattering thing is so sensitive that all I can say is this. Keep away from all Unidentifiable due to scorching between the 20th of Scorched beyond recognition and the 14th of Ditto. Under no circumstances be near a caeither a T, or an R on those dates, either. And remember to buy scoured hats to protect against Several more lines of scorched paper. This is Slywolf, signin… Gah! Help! Whoever reads this, they've come for me!" Odd. Well, anyway, I'm sure Holmes and Watson will have Slywolf back in time for the author's note next chapter.

When Roi was ushered into the presence of her father's emissary, she expected many things; Pity, attraction, revulsion. Not openmouthed joy. Nor was she expecting the presence of Prince Harding of Bern. "What's he doing here?"

"Ah, yes. In the interests of increasing ties between our two nations, you will be marrying Harding as soon as possible." He leaned forward and whispered into Roi's ear, "I don't like it anymore than you do, but it is politically expedient. And this might sound terrible, but I'm glad you're a girl. I was worried about what the prince would do to me if you weren't."

                "What? But…" Roi wanted to shout 'You idiot! He's from Bern! The king of Bern hates me!' But she didn't. Instead, she said, "I'm busy here, sorry."

                The prince leaned towards her. "Ah, but why? Such a lovely flower as you should not be troubled with such silly trifles as this."

                "Hmm. Well, why don't the three of us go… um… why don't I show you around?" 

                "I would be honored, Roi."

*              *              *

                Roi was a tad worried. Prince Harding was standing far too close to her for comfort. Hoping to distract him, she led them into the Smash Cantina. There, she found Link drinking himself to death, and Marth banging his head on the wall. Link was muttering, "Stupid blue haired human. Just _had to stick your nose into things. And then, you had the gall to drag me into it. Humiliating me in front of my king." Marth looked up._

"Oh, fine. Blame me. But there was no call for what you said about my sister." Marth grimaced. "She's doing the best she can."

"It's not right, a woman running a country. That's what _you_ should be doing." Link snarled back. Marth stepped back at the sheer hatred in Link's gaze. 

"Link, what is wrong with woman rulers? Zelda is a woman, isn't she? And when King Harkinian dies, may it not be soon, she's bound to take over. "

"Hmph. At least she'll act like a woman. _She doesn't run around with weapons." Link took another swig. _

Harding walked in. "Ah, a man after my own heart. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Prince Harding."

Link looked up. "Of which kingdom?"

"Of Bern, of course." The effect was instantaneous. Link and Marth quickly grabbed their weapons. "Gentlemen, I presume you've heard of us then."

"We know enough to know that you should be killed now." Link said. Marth brought his own blade up.

Roi ran into the middle of the three. "Marth, Link! Don't kill him." Link blinked. Marth just stared slackjawed. 

"Why not? He's from Bern, and you told us that they were evil!" Link slid his sword back into his sheath. 

"Yes, but my father wants me to marry him." Marth swore under his breath. Link carefully stepped back and trod on his toes. 

"If you marry him… then you won't be in the tournament anymore, right?" Link asked politely. Marth started. "Congratulations, invite me to the wedding."

"Thank you, Sir Link." Prince Harding gave a little bow. 

"Link, may I have a word with Roi?" Marth asked politely. When Link nodded, Marth and Roi walked into a corner. The prince excused himself. Link waited a few seconds and then put his ear to the wall. On the other side, he heard the prince speaking.

"Yes, father. I'll get Roi to come with me. Then, when we reach the border, I rape her and kill her, depositing the body on the border with the Ostian League. That will give us the excuse we need to re-conquer them." Link cursed and ran to tell Roi.

_5 minutes later_

"You'll regret this, fools! I always get what I want." Harding shouted up at the wall. He then ducked as various nasty missiles were shot at him. Backing away, he ran off. "You are all dead, you hear? All of you, dead!" Bowser chortled. 

"Help him on his way, Big G." Ganondorf smiled. Only a certain turning of the lips suggested that someone would regret 'Big G'. A blast of dark magic enveloped the poor prince.

Keller: Dagnabbit, another cliff-hanger. What will happen? Who will…Roi, this is stupid.

Roi: I know, I know.

Alfonz: Where is that detective, anyway?

Rose: He and the doctor are looking around for clues still.

Keller: Slywolf better be found soon. That's all I'm saying. Otherwise, Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson will be in a large amount of trouble.

Lilian: Calm down, calm down.

Keller: Want another firebolt?

Lilian: Never mind.


	8. Painful Memories

All right. Humor is off for this chapter. May god forgive me for this. Look, don't read this unless you're over 15. If you're not, and I scare you, then don't tell me. Sorry. This chapter had to be written. If it seems a bit spartan, that's because it is basically a summary of a fic I will have up in the Zelda section soon, under the title of 'To Fight the Darkness.' Um, yeah. Well, enjoy!

Link sat at his desk, playing his ocarina. He occasionally stopped. "No, that's too high." He tried several fingerings. "Damn. Maybe I'm blowing too hard." He became aware of a presence. His ears twitched. "Hello, Marth. Can I help you?" He stopped. A sharp object was suddenly pressing against the back of his neck. "Now Marth, there's no need for this."

"There is. This is the only way I can think of to get you to tell me what is it with you and Gerudo. No, not Gerudo. You and women with swords." Marth explained.

"I see. So that's what this is about, is it?" Link moved like a blur. Falchion was sent flying, and Link was standing over the fallen Marth. "Well, all right. On condition you tell no one."

"Do I have a choice?"  Marth asked. Link silenced him with a glare.

"I hoped never to have to relive these events. But it seems I must…"

"It was about 6 years ago. I had gone on a holiday to a distant nation. I was riding Epona when I heard men scream. I pushed her into a gallop. What I saw when I crested the hill was terrible. A Gerudo raiding party had attacked a small village. There were at least 50 of them. I watched, helpless, as they lined up the citizens and killed them. Men, women, children. All of them. As I watched, I just felt… I suppose the best way to describe it is a tremendous rage. It took over me. I felt my morals and ethics burning away. The last rational thought I had was; 'I suppose this is the fate of all those who fight the darkness. To become the darkness.' Then it all became red. I charged down the hill, hacking and slashing. Several of them must have died before they even learned of my existence, killed by arrows or bombs. Even more died under Epona's hooves. I suppose there must have been some method in my madness, because I recall letting one live in order to find a way back to their fortress. Once there, I killed her and hid the body. Then I broke into the fort. I suppose they were surprised. What little self control I had said they certainly looked surprised as I parted their heads from their shoulders. With in, I felt the worse terror I had ever felt. I couldn't stop myself. I _didn't want to stop myself."_

"So what happened?" Marth asked.

"I went on a rampage. I slaughtered my way through the fortress. Until I reached the nursery."

"You stopped at the nursery?"

"Um… it's late. Good night." Link couldn't meet Marth's eyes.

"You did stop, right?" Link just looked down and heaved a great sigh.

"You didn't kill… you did." Marth's voice was horrified. "Why?"

"What was I meant to do?" Link's voice had a pleading quality. "Leave them after I had murdered their carers?"

"My god… what hap…" Marth was interrupted.

"You think I don't feel remorse? You think I don't spend my days cursing myself? You think I sleep? Every time I close my eyes, I see them, staring at me, accusing me!" Link buried his face in his hands. "I can hear their shrieks. They won't stop. They won't leave me!"

"Link…" Marth didn't know what to say.

"Just looking at Roi brings back my actions on that day. I can't handle it!" Link shouted. "The biggest mistake I ever made was not killing myself, sending myself to justice." Link couldn't say anymore.

"Does Zelda know?"

"No. I couldn't… wouldn't tell her. To see her join the others in accusing me would drive me insane." 

"My god. So you've been hiding this all these years?"

"Yes. And I will take it to my grave. A hero's grave. Something I don't deserve." Link wouldn't say any more. Marth felt it best to leave silently.

"Link… what you did was terrible. But I don't think any worse of you." Marth sighed. "I've done many things I'm not proud of. But I've come to terms with them, and I realize that the good I've done outweighs the bad. Maybe someday you will realize it too." He left, leaving Link to his misery.


	9. End of an age

Miles and miles above the Earth… 

Slywolf: Okay. So, you _are going to be poking that sharp implement into me._

Alien: Glub. Glub.

Slywolf: I demand to see an ambassador.

_Just then!_

Sherlock Holmes: Unhand that man! Watson, shoot him.

Slywolf: Gah!

Sherlock: No! The alien!

Doctor Watson: Oh. Sorry, Holmes.

Alien: Neek!

_One very confused hour later…_

Slywolf: Your fee is _what now?_

Sherlock Holmes: 1 million pounds.

_Slywolf glares around the room._

Roi: It's coming out of our salaries, isn't it?

_Slywolf nods, and then walks out to the stage._

  
Slywolf: Ah, hello! Welcome back to A Familiar Stranger, act 2. This will end at Chapter 16… along with, perhaps, the story. Now sit back and enjoy…

                Roi danced back, avoiding the wire frame fighter. She tried to swing her sword, but she overbalanced. "Aaah!" The lights flickered on. Link walked out and dismissed the training wire-frame with a wave. He stared at her.

                "No, no, no. It will never work like that." Link sighed. "Try to hold it in both hands, at all times. Otherwise, I'll have to get you another weapon." He walked over to her, and put her hands on the sword's hilt. "It's a bit too heavy for you now, isn't it?" He asked, smiling.

                Roi nodded, and then tried to slash it against the air. She almost overbalanced, but managed to get herself upright at the last moment. The young woman looked around the room. She had never been in this training area before. There was statuary and fountains arranged haphazardly around the room. "Nice looking place, this."

                Link nodded his agreement.  "Okay, come at me."

                "What?" Roi asked, worried. "I don't want to hurt you."

                "You won't. I want to find out how much you can do of your old moves." He smoothed back his hair, and lunged at her. Roi parried with her blade, and almost stumbled. She soon found her rhythm, and they began the intricate dance of a duel. She stabbed at Link, and was blocked with a shield thrust. He was parried back, and it went on, and on, and on.

                Until Link managed to get a blow in. A spot of blood appeared on Roi's shoulder. She barely noticed, but it had a much more profound effect on the elf. "No…," he muttered, turning his blow aside and trying to ignore the well of memories. _The sight of the blood, and the terror on a child's face … the guards, begging for mercy as he drew nearer, a mercy he had refused. And the sheer pleasure of killing… He clapped his hands to his head and screamed. "NO!"_

                Roi watched, alarmed. "Link? Is something wrong?" He turned to face her, but he didn't see the young woman. Instead, he saw one of the Gerudo he had killed, massacred. "Link?"

                The room turned around him. He croaked out, "Roi…" Link shook his head, threw his blade aside, and walked in between two statues. A flicker of green, and he vanished. Roi ran up to where he had disappeared.

                "Link! Where did you go?" There was no response. Panicking, she turned and ran out of the room, picking up the master sword.

                Zelda was sitting in the kitchen, talking politely to Peach and Samus, when she felt it. "Link?" she asked, sensing his familiar presence disappear from the world. "Odd…."

                Roi ran in. "Zelda, Link's gone! He was training me, and then he started to act strange, and he just vanished! Like magic!" Roi slowed, realizing who she was talking about, and then corrected herself. "He vanished using magic!" She put the master sword on the table. "And he threw this aside, too!"

                "What?" Zelda stood up. "He left without his sword?" She strained her powers, trying to sense her beloved hero. "Samus, go and get Marth. He'll know what's going on." Samus hurried out of the room, not willing to argue with Zelda in this mood. "Peach, find Ganondorf, see if he has something to do with this."

                "Yes, Zelda." Peach motioned to Roi. "You come too… I'm not facing tall, dark and all powerful on my own." Roi nodded, and followed her.

                Roi knocked politely on the immense stone door leading into the room Ganondorf shared with Bowser and Mewtwo. Somewhere, a raven cawed. "Villains and their dramatics," she muttered, crossly. "Right, Peach? Peach?" The Mushroom Princess was gone.

                The door opened. A big, scaly head poked out and looked at her. "Are you the cleaning lady? God, you move fast these days. Mewtwo only destroyed that computer two minutes ago."

                Mewtwo floated over. He spoke in his haughty accent, "No, you scaly twit. All I did was beat it at chess in two moves. And that's Roi, _not the cleaning lady. What can we do for you, Roi?" Roi muttered something about cowardly princesses._

                "Um… I want to know if Ganondorf has Link chained up to any nasty machines back there. He vanished, recently, leaving his sword behind." Ganondorf stood up from his position eating a moblin-sandwich in the kitchen.

                "He's gone?" The dark king asked, happily. "Boys, this calls for a celebration! Break out the beer!" Ganondorf jumped up and clicked his heels. "I only wish that I had something to do with this, Roi!" He laughed, and punched the air. "Now to kidnap Zelda and… um…" Ganondorf frowned. "Actually, there is not much point in kidnapping her if I don't know where the twerp and his triforce are." He sat down, heavily. "And who am I going to torment?" Bowser rolled his eyes.

                "There's your answer, Roi. Now go away, or I eat you." Roi bowed, and took off for her own room.

                Marth shook his head. "I can't tell you, Zelda. I promised Link." He squirmed, nervously, under her gaze. 

                "Marth, the person who I care about most in this entire universe has disappeared. And you know something about him that I don't, something which I'm sure has to do with this occurrence." The princess stepped forward, her hands starting to glow. "Tell me… who are you more scared of right now, me or Link?"

                "Link." Marth said, sadly. "And you'd say the same if you knew what I know." He sighed. "Then again… you do deserve to know what you know that I know about Link. And I deserve to know t" Zelda slapped him.

                "Stop stalling, and tell me!" Her hands began to flame. Marth coughed, and slowly told her everything…

                Zelda sat there after the story. "That… evil, horrible…" she slammed her fist into Marth. "He's not around, so I'll hit you instead! You should have come to me the instant he told you that! THE VERY INSTANT! And now he's gone, and there's nothing I can do."

                "He said you'd react like this… he wanted to spare you the pain."

                "Pain? The pain of knowing my boyfriend is a serial killer? Guilty of attempted genocide?" Zelda coughed. "He damn well wanted to protect his oily hide!" Zelda turned. "I know where he is. I'll get him, drag him back, and then him, me, and you are going to have a talk about telling people what they need to know."

                She spun, and vanished.

====================

                The sun was setting, here. But then, it was always setting here in Nocturne, continent of evening. The young woman appeared in the ruins of a stronghold. "Link? I know you're here. Come out."

                An arrow flew by her, brushing through her hair. "Go away, Zelda. Keep back." 

                Zelda didn't turn. "Or what? You'll kill me like you killed the people who lived here?"

                There was a pained inrush of air. "How…"

                "Marth told me. Everything. Like you should have." Zelda resisted the urge to turn, not wanting to look at him. "Why?"

                The voice chuckled. "Marth told you… ha." There was the sound of feet moving, though closer or farther away was unknown. "I didn't tell you, because I wanted to protect you."

                "Protect me from what?" Zelda did turn. There was a shadowy figure, staring into the distance on top of a fallen rampart.

                "This place… it was so beautiful… and I put an end to it." He shook his head. "They were just doing what they did… you could no more blame them for thieving then you could blame an adder for its venom. And I," he sobbed, "I killed them. Every single one of them…" He turned, and looked her in the eyes. "Goodbye, Zelda." He leapt over the wall, and fell.

                "LINK!" She ran up to the wall, and stared down. She could make out a flash of green at the bottom of a deep hole. Too deep for her to go down there. And Zelda cried. 

Please review.


	10. More than you think you are

            I… have returned. It is I, the lord of woe. And I bring you…

            Yes, it was the Smith speech. Thank you. *sweat-drops*

            Roi looked up from the book she was reading as Zelda appeared in the room. "Did you…?" She asked, and stopped as she saw the sheer misery on Zelda's face. The Hylian Princess just collapsed into her arms, and started to cry. "What happened?" Roi asked, gingerly rubbing her back.

            Zelda looked up. "He… he… killed himself…" she started to cry even louder. "And… I never told him I…" she choked back the words, and just cried. Roi held her, and started to cry herself. 

            "Why? Why… why would he…" Zelda put a finger to the younger woman's lips.

            "Details wouldn't be good for you… just… remember him as you knew him… he would have wanted it that way…" Zelda looked up at the stars. Roi paused, and stroked back Zelda's hair.

            "What didn't you tell him?"

            Zelda sobbed. "I had never said… I had never thanked him… he had done all these things for me, and… I can not remember once… thanking him…" the Princess started to cry again. Her ears just started to droop, and Roi patted her on the back as she started to cry even harder. "The man… I loved… and…"

            A few minutes later, Zelda had calmed down enough to go to her room without Roi asking either Samus or Peach to go with her and make sure she didn't injure herself. She closed her eyes. "I guess I'll tell Marth…"

=====================

            Marth just stared at Roi as she told him. He shook his head. "No… he… he couldn't have…" Roi opened her mouth. Marth stood up, and angrily glided to the window. He looked outside. "Quiet! How dare you play… play…" he went quiet.

            Roi moved over to him, and gently rubbed his shoulders. "Marth… please… why do you think I would lie?" She asked, feeling his strong muscles tense. "He was my friend, too…"

            Marth spun around, furiously. "BE QUIET!" He said, and slapped her.

            Roi fell back, shocked. Marth stared at her in horror. "Oh… oh… Oh, Roi, I'm… I'm so sorry…" He held his hands together. "It's… it's… I'm…"

            Roi rubbed her cheek. "Why… I…" she ran from the room, her face downcast. Marth took off after her. 

            "Roi… please… I'm sorry… I didn't want to hurt you…" He stared at her fleeing back, and felt incredibly sad.

            He chased her through the empty halls of the Smash HQ, always one step behind her. "Roi!" They were in the park now, and her footsteps had stopped at the fountain. He could see her shadowy figure just staring into the waters, at her reflection. Occasionally, the sound of tears splashing into the water sounded.

            Marth stepped closer. "Roi… I'm sorry… I just…" 

            She didn't look up. "It's amazing… what difference magic can make… I've never taken the opportunity to really look at myself since that spell… But I hardly resemble my old self…" Roi sighed. "You don't need to apologize, Marth. I understand… I just don't know what you want me to do to change it… I should be sorry. Link is dead, and I'm no longer the boy who had been your friend…" she just collapsed onto the bench. "This is all my fault…"

            Marth strode to her. He paused, and then just sat down next to her, wrapping his arms around the crying girl. "No… it's not your fault… Link made his own… he made his own choices, and… and… you're still my friend…" _and more…_

Roi leaned her head back on his shoulder. "Thank you…" she whispered through the tears, and the confusing vortex of feelings that flowed through her soul. Slowly, and gently, she leaned her head up, and kissed him, locking her lips with his.

            Marth started, surprised. But he surrendered to the passion he sensed they both shared, and pulled her into him. They sat there for a while, drawing strength from each other.

================

            It was later that night. Roi looked over at the slumbering Marth, who had decided to sleep in the chair of her bedroom. She whispered, both to herself, and to him, 'Is it… possible for me to love you?'


	11. Falcon Rising

Captain Douglas Falcon was not a particularly romantic man by nature. As handsome as he was, he was still uncomfortable talking to women in a reasonable and polite manner. That was why he was currently rhythmically banging his head against the wall on the opposite side of the hall-way from Samus's door. 'What to say...what to say...' he asked himself, before stopping as coloured bubbles appeared in front of his eyes. "Whew..."  
  
He looked up, suddenly, at the sound of breaking glass. Slowly, carefully, using his skills as a bounty hunter to their peak, he walked down the hallway. He could hear muffled voices, and leaning carefully forward, he listened.  
  
"Now to find the girl!"  
  
"Which girl?"  
  
"The red-head, fool...the one the Prince wants."  
  
"Oh...sorry, must have slept through the briefing."  
  
"Look...I'll explain it one more time. Now come here, and listen..." Falcon winced at the sound of someone having their ear pulled, "there is a girl. Named Roi. The Prince and King want her. We get her, and it's smooth sailing, high wages, and all the loot we want!"  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yes. Now, come on!"  
  
Falcon heard them start to run around the corridor. With an easy movement, he extended his arm...there...  
  
He winced as the men slammed their foreheads into him. His limb didn't even move. It must have been like running into a brick wall. He stepped out from around the bend, and looked down on the two dozed kidnappers "Gentlemen, a word with you..."

* * *

Bowser looked up as the phone rang. With a grunt, he clawed the entire machine off the wall, and cradled it in his arm, bending his head towards the speaker, "Evil2Evil Enterprises, Vice President of Mushroom Operations Bowser Koopa speaking. How can I help you?"  
  
"Evil2Ev...never mind, I don't want to know. This is Falcon...is Ganondorf there?"  
  
Bowser looked around. Ganondorf was staring listlessly at his new torture machine, and muttering nasty things about "that inconsiderate elf- boy who killed himself;...never even got a chance to try out my new torture machine..."  
  
Bowser nodded, and turned back to the phone. "Yes, President Ganondorf Dragmire is here...I'll transfer him to you..." he turned from the phone, and shouted, "Ganon, Falcon is on the phone for you..."  
  
Ganondorf stood up, and stared at the machine in Bowser's hands. The warlord rolled his eyes, and took the machine into his own hands. "Hello, Falcon...this is President Ganondorf Dragmire of Evil2Evil enterprises. How can we help you?"  
  
"Look, I'm going to regret this...but what the hell is Evil2Evil Enterprises?"  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"Hell is Evil2Evil Enterprises."  
  
"..."  
  
"Well, a subsidiary of Hell, at any..."  
  
"Ganon, please...I don't want to know any more. You still have that torture machine?"  
  
"Yeah..." Ganon sniffed.  
  
"Oh, you aren't going to..."  
  
The Dark Lord of Evil, Gerudo King, Keeper of the Triforce of Power, and All-Around Bad Guy known to the world as Ganondorf (Ganon) Dragmire, started to cry. "I never even got to try it on him... what will I do now? Where will I go? Who will I torment?"  
  
"Geez...you don't know awful until you've heard a villain cry...look, you can try it on these two, okay?" 


	12. Falcon Rising, Part 2

FALCON RISING, PART 2: Or, LoW throws up his hands, and says 'bugger the schedule, I'll finish when I'm good and ready.'  
  
Maybe I'm not the brightest author here...  
  
The two kidnappers woke up, and stared into a hideous, upside down, scaly face. They screamed. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! GIANT LIZARD MONSTER!"  
  
Bowser looked insulted. "You dare to impugn my honour? I'll have you know that I was King of the Koopas before you were born! Can I eat them?" He asked Falcon.  
  
Falcon paused for a second, and shook his head. "I think not..." he said, before looking over at Ganondorf, and asking, "Ganon, is the machine ready?" He asked, looking at the indescribable contraption before him, "And if so, mind explaining what it does?"  
  
Ganondorf giggled with malicious glee. "Well, you see..." he pulled down a large chart of illustrated pictures, and spent an enlightening half hour explaining the machine. At one point, Falcon felt an incredible urge to cross his legs together and crouch into a little ball. Ganon finished up with, "And then...it slaps the tender skin very hard with a paddle."  
  
The two kidnappers whimpered. "This is inhuman! We're just thieves and murderers, we're not bad men," they begged.  
  
Ganon paused. "Oh... but you see, I am a bad man. So, I'll just press this button..."  
  
The smaller kidnapper screamed, then. "NO! NO!!!!!! DON'T PRESS THE BUTTON! I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT! ONLY DON'T PRESS THAT BU..."Ganon, startled, pressed the button. "Oh, dear..."  
  
Falcon watched, occasionally wincing. "Ganon...you are one, sick, puppy..."  
  
The larger kidnaper grumbled, "So long as they don't learn about the other team...it'll be okay...mommy."  
  
After Roi had gone to sleep that night, she had felt a sudden chill. But strong hands had enveloped her, warming her body. She smiled, happily, and leant her head back, leaning on Marth's strong chest. She knew, then, what her subconscious had already known. Softly, almost on the edge of hearing, she whispered, "I love you..."  
  
She turned around, slowly, and looked up into his warm eyes. "I don't know why...but I love you...the touch of you, the feel of you...your lips...god, I love you, Marth..." she buried her face in his chest, wrapping her delicate arms around his waist.  
  
He smiled at her, and kissed her forehead, not wanting to do anything to ruin this moment. They lay there, in each other's arms, gaining strength and warmth from their love, before Marth spoke, ending the silence. "I love you too..." she looked up, and when their eyes met, he moved down, pulling her into him, kissing her with passion, both of them drawing ever closer... 


	13. Do not meddle in the affairs of Smashers

_No characters belong to Lord of Woe, save for Roi. Captain Falcon, Roy, Marth and Princess Zelda are the property of Nintendo._

It was later that night. Roi and Marth lay next to each other, sleeping soundly. The young woman snuggled closer up against him in her sleep, feeling a chill. She smiled as he felt his arms travel around her bare waist, and buried herself in his chest. In her dreams, she felt more... more at peace with herself than ever before.

Eventually, Roi started to wake up again, the room's increasing chill keeping her from falling back into a deep sleep. She started to pull herself up, and, blearily, she saw that the window was open. The smasher stood up, and looked down at the sleeping Marth, his arms still curled around where she had been.

The young woman turned bright pink at remembering that she was naked, but found that she was less embarrassed and frightened than she had thought. 'Maybe this is how things were meant to be...'

She walked over to the window, and softly closed it. As she was doing so, she slowly remembered that the window had been closed when she and Marth had gone to sleep. "That's strange..."

She shrieked when something wrapped around her breasts and a chilling voice whispered in her ear, "You don't know half of it." Roi was brutally spun around to meet a vicious leering face. She felt a heat on her cheek, and tasted her own blood. "That, my little rose, was for letting someone besides your _fiancé_ deflower you."

Roi spat into the man's eye, but whimpered when he drew a revolver and pointed it at the slumbering Marth. "Not a word, little girl. Don't worry, though... Harding will take good care of you."

Roi stared at the sleeping Marth, willing him to wake up and save her. She only saw the pinprick on his neck as she was forced out the re-opened window, a tear coming to her eye.

* * *

Marth woke up in the morning and stretched, feeling like he had slept for eight hours. He rubbed his neck and cursed. "Stupid mosquitos ..." he looked around, searching for Roi. 'Did that really happen last night...?'

He reached down for a pair of jeans and one of his shirts, his hands rubbing against something satiny. He pulled it up, and smiled a bit. Putting the bra back on Roi's side of the bed, he nodded. 'I'm thankful she chose to make me such a part of her life,' the prince thought, feeling the weight on his shoulders decrease just through thinking of the red-haired girl.

He remembered something else, and sighed. He had no choice but to accept that Link was gone... But he felt empty. They hadn't always gotten along... They had fought, and argued... But Link was still the closest thing to a true friend the prince had had in years. He knew that someone else would be suffering just as much. 'I bet Roi's gone to talk to Zelda..."

* * *

Dressed in casual clothes, Marth knocked softly on Zelda's door. "Zel?" He asked, carefully.

There was the sound of someone fumbling with the lock on the other side, and Zelda pulled the door open. The Hylian princess blinked, her eyes red. Marth couldn't help but stare. For the first time since he had met her, Zelda's hair was a mess. Her long ears hung loosely, as if her spirit had been crushed.

Marth didn't know what to do when Zelda collapsed onto his shoulder, crying. He patted her on the back, and made vaguely comforting noises when she started to whisper, "Tell me it's all a dream... Tell me I'll just wake up and... He'll be next to me..."

Marth shook his head, wishing that someone could comfort him... He finally let it out, all that he had been holding back. Tears flowed from his eyes, and he could barely choke back a sob.

Falcon quietly knocked on the open dorm-door, looking unusually agitated. "Um... Marth? Zel?" He looked surprised at the scene in front of him. "I'm sorry if this is a bad time... But it's important."

Marth turned around and met Falcon. It wasn't like the captain to be so serious. "What's wrong?"

"Bern sent assassins to kidnap Roi. Ganondorf and Bowser had a great deal of fun finding that out." Falcon winced. "Don't ask how, I'm trying to supress that memory. Mewtwo also ripped their minds, so we have comfirmation."

Marth suddenly felt a chill in his heart. "Zel..." he whispered, feeling his hope drain from him, "did Roi come to see you this morning?"

Zelda looked like the recent news was pushing her on the verge of a breakdown. "No..." she gasped. "She didn't..."

Marth nodded, and released her. He turned to Falcon. "Captain?"

"Yes, Marth?"

"How long would it take you to get your ship ready for take-off?"

"Um... Four hours."

"Make it so." Marth stormed through the door, a set expression on his face. "And get as many smashers as you can."

"Where are we going?" Falcon asked, scribbling in his notebook.

Marth turned to meet the bounty-hunter. "Where?... Bern, of course." He snarled and punched a hand through the door. "I already lost one friend. I'm not going to lose another."

Falcon watched him stalk off. "Um... How much should I charge him?"

Zelda looked thoughtful. "Now's a bad time to bring up the whole money thing..."

Falcon looked rebellious. He was a bounty-hunter, for goodness sake. Not a hero. Well... Not normally. Well, it wasn't like it happened on purpose. Sighing, he nodded. "Don't worry, Princess... We'll get her back."

With a slight bow, he chased after Marth. For just a moment, and then he walked back into the dorm and pulled a silky red bra, and matching yellow panties, from a pocket. "Oh... Before I forget, can you please return this to Samus for me?"

Zelda, despite her depression and worry for Roi, couldn't completely suppress her curiousity. "Is that really what she wears?"

"According to her, this is _all_ she wears under that suit." He looked surprised. "You didn't know?"

"Well, I didn't see her as the ty... _What do you mean_?"

Falcon coughed.

**

* * *

**

Marth raised an eyebrow as Falcon slid into the seat across from him, a scorch mark on his face. "What happened to you?"

"Did _you_ know the girls _don't_ have nightly lingerie pillow fights?" Falcon fingered the burn. 'Stupid Din's fire...'

"Yes, actually." Marth looked thoughtful. 'Damn it! Roi lied to me.' Thinking of the red-haired girl, Marth once again soured. "Whatever. Get everything ready. I want to leave as soon as possible. Who knows what foul tortures are being inflicted upon my belo..I mean Roi." Marth flushed, and left the table suddenly.

Falcon just sighed, and pulled some beer from the fridge. 'Well... That's just great. I knew I should have stayed in bed this morning.'


	14. Crashing Parties and Breaking Heads

**_Okay, so the chapter is not my best. Still... you'll all be pleasantly surprised, I'm sure._**

Ganon gave the thumbs-up sign to Mewtwo and Bowser. "We're clear," he hissed, dropping from the tree.

"Big G," Bowser said, ignoring the grimace that appeared on his comrade's face, "Big G, why are we doing this?"

'I'll laugh for a week straight when I kill you, Bowser,' Ganondorf thought, before saying, "Come on, Bowser... how often do you get an opportunity to kill people without Mario complaining?"

Bowser nodded. "Fair enough..." he cursed and ducked down into the shrubbery when a guard came from around the corner. "Oh no! We've been seen!"

Metwo was handling it, though. With barely a second's notice, he had appeared right next to the guard and waved his hand. "These are not the droids you are looking for. Move along."

The guard looked blank. "These are not the droids I am looking for. I have an urge to go eat doughnuts until I die of a heart-attack." He turned around and disappeared.

Ganondorf stared open-mouthed. "I just saw that, and I still don't believe it."

Mewtwo shrugged.

* * *

Marth looked over the castle from a distance. He was not enjoying this. But somewhere in there was Roi. And he had to save her. Still... "Falcon, do we have any back-up?"

The bounty hunter was in his element. "Don't sweat it... all I need to do is press this button, and my Armoured Muffin will be along in two shake..."

"Armoured Muffin?" Marth asked, incredulously.

"Shut up." Falcon checked the radio. "You really want to do this on the absolute dramatic moment? Then we're go now!"

"Go now?"

"Shut _up_."

* * *

Mario and Luigi looked at one another, before flashing a thumbs-up sign to the other teams. The wyverns had all been sent to sleep by Jigglypuff, the soldiers were almost being taken out... there was just one minor detail to take care of. "You honestly don't know where the chapel is?" Mario shouted into his comm-link.

Falco's voice crackled out, "Sorry, boss. We're pretty sure that it's the big round room with all the bunting and people around it, but... oh, hello there... what are you going to do with that stick? Oh... oh god! ARGH!" There were zapping sounds. "A hand, Fox! Mario! It's the round room! GO!"

Mario hung up, sighing. "I hate you people..."

* * *

Roi stared at the wedding dress, tears still staining her cheeks. She had tried to escape in the night, but they had caught her, forced her back in here... and Harding. He had come to her in the night, and... and... he had almost...

She started to cry again, and pulled the dress on.

* * *

The wedding service droned on, and on... Roi felt the crossbow pointing at her, pressing into her back. She had no choice... She blinked at the words, the words that would forever change her life... "Do you, Prince Harding, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do."

"And do you..." the priest was interrupted by Harding.

"She does."

"Okay then. If there's anyone here who objects to this marriage, let him..."

"I OBJECT!" The doors at the end slammed open. And Marth was standing at the end of the aisle, his sword drawn. Next to him was Falcon, who was covering his eyes and shaking his head.

Harding growled. "I warn you, I can have a thousand soldiers in he... who the hell are you?" He demanded of the caped man who had just kicked through a window and leapt to the ground.

"Well, nice castle... guards are a bit incompetent, though. I mean... how many fell for Mewtwo's trick? Or got eaten by you?... and what about those I sent flying?"

"All told, about a thousand, Ganondorf."

The Prince scowled. It was all coming apart. "What about my wyverns?"

"Oh, them..." an Italian voice said, dismissively.

"No! I won't lose!" He grabbed the grinning Roi and threw her to his body-guard, who snarled and put a knife to her throat. "All of you, get out of this chapel... or I have her throat slit... I just have to give..."

There was a sound very much like 'fffwt.' And the sound of a guard toppling to the floor, an arrow through his throat. Harding turned in shock. "How...?"

The priest was pushed out of the way by something that sprang from the shadows. Something dressed in white. "I am the sword of the Goddesses... I bring redemption."

Harding turned in shock, finding a razor-edged blade at his throat before he even knew what was going on. "What? You? But... but you're..."

Link smiled, thinly. "Dead? I'm afraid not. But you..."

**_Ta-da! You didn't really think I'd let him rot, did you?_** **_Only two to go!_**


	15. Chapter 15

_**And as we reach the end of our little play, who knows what there is to say? **_

**_"Nothing within is owned by me", that's what _I _say. "Nothing save Roi and joy at nearing the completion of this toy."_**

_**And so, with a bittersweet heart, I welcome you all to the final chapter (but one) of our little tale. I hope you have been entertained.**_

"Link!" Roi shouted, breaking away from Harding. She stared at the newcomer in surprise. "How..."

"This is not the time for questions, my young padawan." Link answered, keeping his sword at Harding's throat. "Go to Marth. Everything will be explained later."

"Your young _what?_"

"Sorry, what did I say?" Link smiled and gestured for her to run back. "Now, what to do with you..."

Harding fell to his knees, clasping his hands in prayer. "Please don't kill me..." The Prince begged. "It was all..." He looked around his supporters and pick someone at random. "His fault!"

Mario blinked. "The Pastry Chef?" Him and the other smashers all exchanged glances.

"Yes!" Harding shouted, jubilantly. "The pastry chef!" He rubbed his eyes and forced himself to cry. "He threatened to withdraw his snack-making skills unless I married Roi! I'm a good boy... Please, I was just misled by poor company."

"..." Captain Falcon strode over, pushed Link out of the way, and picked Harding up, shaking him like a damp rag. "I came all the way here. For _free_. I got an arrow stuck in my posterior! My ship is scratched! And you have the gall to only come up with an excuse like _that?"_

Marth, who was quietly comforting the crying Roi, looked up at Falcon. "Captain, I hardly think that this is the right time..."

"Pika! Pi pika chu!" Pikachu shouted from the window. As one everyone, including the Bernians, looked up.

"Um...translation?" Mario asked Mewtwo.

"He says that there is a massive army of men flying the Bern flag. They are all heavily armed."

"Ha! Let's see you deal with that!" Harding shouted, happily. "Let me live and I promise you'll get off easy!"

Ganondorf looked at Mewtwo. "Deal with it." He ordered.

"Of course, _master_..." Mewtwo grabbed Ness. "Come on, you can make yourself useful."

"Are you people stupid! What are you, big lizards?" One of the Bernite nobles snapped. "Um...no offense..."

Bowser ate him.

On the highest tower of the central keep, Mewtwo and Ness floated into the air. Around the castle, the required dramatic army made predictable warsongs. "On three! One, two, three!"

"**You don't need to see his identification. These are not the droids you are looking for! Move along!"**

Link rubbed his eyes and slowly slid down to the ground. "...I'm still dead and this is hell..." The Hylian murmured, quietly.

Ganondorf made vaguely comforting noises to his archenemy. Then, with an 'if you mention this to anyone I'll kill you and your families look' he directed at everyone else, the Prince of Darkness picked Link up and gave him a massive bearhug. "Never do that again!" he cried. "I was so scared that my life was going to be without meaning..."

Link blinked. "Waaah! I apologize for all misdeeds in this and past lives..." He sobbed.

Marth leaned over and whispered in Ganondorf's ear, "I think he's already in a very fragile emotional state, Ganon. You might want to...mmmmph!" Roi had taken advantage of his distraction to hug him firmly and deliver a loving kiss.

Caught up in the spirit of the moment more than anything else, Luigi and Falco shared a quiet pash. Mario blinked. "I was _sure_ it would have been Falcon, more than anyone eeek."

The Captain had, without turning from Harding, delivered a ringing kick to the back of Mario's head.

"May I remind you that there is a massive army still out there?" Harding asked, just moments before he suddenly imploded with a popping noise into a corpse an inch tall that Falcon disposed of by throwing in a rubbish bin.

"Dealt with them," Mewtwo sniffed, blowing the fire burning on his hands out.

Mario coughed. "Roi, I think you were meant to say something about how while he may be evil, he still shouldn't die but instead should suffer for his misdeeds for the rest of his life."

"I was? No, I was thinking I should nod approvingly to Mewtwo, blow him a kiss, then ask the man I love to take me home." Roi blew a kiss to Mewtwo, whose entire body turned red. "Take me home, Marth..."

Link sighed. "Well, I'm glad everything's worked out." Behind him, Ganondorf lay unconscious on the ground. "If you'll all excuse me, I want to leave before Zelda...turns..." he noticed they were all staring at him. "She's right behind me, isn't she." The other smashers all nodded. "Oh, good." Link pasted a happy smile on his face and turned around to find Zelda directly in front of him, hands on her hips. "Ah, Zelda. Um. I think I might owe you several explanations. So, I'll just..." Suddenly he threw something to the ground.

There was a blinding light, and when it cleared..."Ummm...would you all mind closing your eyes or something while I run to the door?" Link grinned nervously. "Someday, that _will_ work!"

Zelda grabbed him by the ear and pulled him with her. "Yes, Link, you do owe me an explanation. And you _will _give it. But first..." She reached behind the altar and pulled up the priest. "You _will_ marry me."

"...Huh?" Link's mouth opened and closed soundlessly. "I'll do what-now with the who?"

"Don't be so stupid. You walked up to the altar of your own free will."

"I'm very attached to my ear, I thought I had better follow it."

"Enough! Link, you are going to marry me!" Zelda's eyes filled with tears. "And maybe next time you'll think before you do something that stupid again!"

"...You _knew_ I would be back?" Link asked, quietly.

"Nope. This is what you could call an 'oh good, he's alive, he's well, I'm going to marry him and then I'm going to kill him for scaring me half to death' gesture." Zelda tugged at his sleeve. "Please?"

Link looked down at her for a moment, considering. "Zelda...I love you very much." He ran a hand through her hair when she clung to his tunic and started to cry even louder. "But..."

**_Cliffy! All will be resolved in the last episode of A Familiar Stranger!_**


	16. And they all lived happily ever after

**_Well, this is it... in case you just started this story now, what the hell are you doing, the story begins 15 chapters in the _opposite_ direction. If you hurry, you might catch it in theatre 3. Everyone else, let us give a respectful round of applause as the curtains rise up on the last act of our performance._**

_**No, that's not a respectful round of applause, that's sheep bleating.**_

_**Whalesong.**_

_**Minuteman March.**_

**_...what? What the hell is _that_? The Rite of Spring? Oh, fine, it will do._**

"But I don't have a ring." Link said, smiling and taking her hand to his lips. His expression barely flickered when Roi gave him the box that Harding hd given her. "Ah. In that case..."

"Good!" Zelda turned to the priest. "We want to be married in a hurry."

"Married in a hurry?" The priest coughed. "Do you?" He asked Zelda.

"I do."

"Do you?"

Link blinked. "Well, there are many arguments for and against, but the most _pointed_ is the large dagger being pressed into my lower back. So, I do."

"Good, you may now kiss the bride." The priest brushed his hands together. "Well, that's that sorted. Drinks are on me." He left.

Zelda stared at Link for a long moment, and then she leapt for him, kissing him repeatedly. "God, I love you..." she whispered.

"I love you too-erk!"

Zelda removed the hammer from his face and put it back in her pocket. "And _that_ was for running away!" She grabbed him by the ear and pulled him off.

Ganondorf sniffed into his handkerchief. "I promised myself I wouldn't cry..." Then he grabbed Bowser and hugged him close, sobbing.

The Koopa whimpered. "If there is a God, strike me now..."

Marth sighed and smiled. "Well, everything's back to normal." He brushed a hand through his hair and grinned weakly.

"What, Everything?" Roi stepped next to him and looked up into his eyes. She then glanced down to where her breasts strained gently against her dress. "Hum... No, I don't think so."

"...Well, _almost_ everything." Marth slipped his hand around her. "Everything is as it should be, then."

"What? But...Ganondorf's still running free, Falcon still won't admit his homosexual urges, and...mmmph! Mmmm..."

Marth drew Roi close to him and kissed her firmly. When they drew back, he whispered, "I love you, my familiar stranger..."

_**It's the end! END I tell you!**_

_**Slywolf stands on a large podium, bowing**_

_**I'd like to thank all the little people who made this story possible. **_

_**Firstly, my wonderful reviewers. Every time I read your reviews, I sit back and say to myself, "Wow, someone actually reads this crap?" Without your support, I would never have become one of the most popular writers in this genre. **_

_**When I get more than 50 reviews for a 16 chapter story, I know I'm doing something right, eh? Next, I'd like to thank the characters for being such good sports! **_

"Sure," Roy said, "I was aggravated to get a bit part in what should have been my own story, but my twin sister did a good job."

"And we're definitely not planning to kill Slywolf by impaling him on our swords. Right, Marth?"

"Absolutely not. Slywolf is a wonderful director. By the way, Roi has asked me to make clear that in no way do we have a relationship off set. We're just friends."

Link blinked and turned from combing his hair back. "But you asked me if I would be best man..."

"Heheheh...um...I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."

_**Through all the trials and tribulations, we've done our best.**_

"Does this shell make my arse look big?" Bowser asked, looking in the mirror.

Ganondorf glanced over from where he was memorising his lines. "No bigger than it normally looks. Ha ha ha...leggo!"

Mewtwo buried his face in his hands and sobbed. "Why? I could have been ruling the world..."

_**It's certainly been a fun 16 chapters, so let's look at all the stuff we'll miss.**_

"What on Earth are these things?" Roy asked, squeezing his breasts.****

_**---**_

"Sure," Roi shrugged, "It was odd to be performing as my twin brother turned into a girl... But it was fun! And Marth is _sooo_ dreamy!"

_**And if you'll miss the shenanigans of our crew, you don't need to worry; the fun isn't over yet. A Familiar Stranger: The Extended Special DVD edition, will be out soon with such added scenes as:**_

"Zelda?" Luna asked, quietly running a hand along her belly, "I think I'm pregnant with Mario's baby."

_**And:**_

"This won't make things...awkward, will it Luigi?"

"Shut up and kiss me, you foolish Falco!"

_**And what next for me? Well, I have other projects to finish and promote. And after that? Well, only time will tell...**_

Slywolf stepped down from the podium and brushed a hand softly through his hair. "That was entertaining." He pulled out his cellphone. "Hey, Dark. I've wrapped up AFS. What's say we go into town, pick up a couple of chicks, and..."

A technician coughed. "We're still on..."

"What? Talk sense, man! No, no one important. Yeah, that Samus is one _hot_ lady...eh?"

"We're still on air!"

"We're _what_? Shut it down, shut it..."

**END**


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